Coney Island

At the start of the summer I had a list of all the places I wanted to take Isa, and God help me one of them was Coney Island. There is just something about this gritty little place that just needs to be a part of our summer plans. So a week ago we finally made it there. It was not the perfect beach day, but Isa didn't seem to mind. It was so dirty I didn't even want her to touch the water, but again she seemed to love the ocean and all the sand. It was an enormous sandbox to her. We hit all the rides and she learned that you must must must scream as loud as possible on rides...especially the Tilt-a-Whirl and Roller coaster. She seems to have brought that lesson back with her to her normal playground activities. We also hit Ralph's Italian Ice on the boardwalk which was so much better than ice cream. Finally we went to the Aquarium that thankfully has been repaired since my last visit a few years ago. Isa loved it. It was a packed day, and as dirty as it may be it still feels like a summer vacation. If you squint really really hard you can even get a glimpse of the way it use to be in its glory days.

Tentativeness, Transitioning, Transform

August is proving itself to be a testing month full of thoughts and transformations whether I want to deal or not. I have been offered a possible apartment in Brooklyn, which I need to make a decision on this week for the move in date would be September first. It is a large apartment and comes with a roommate and a child. May be ideal and may be a nightmare. I am a creature of habit and crave my isolation. It is not easy for me to relocate or to live with others. I am being tested and not sure which way I will go. Stay tuned.

I also recently decided to watch Crazy Sexy Cancer, my Netflix movie that has been sitting in my apartment for several weeks now. Yes the subject matter is intense. It's about Cancer. However, I took it more as a neurotic control freak (similar to myself) who takes it upon herself to actively respond to a crisis. She immediately changes her life to deal with this awful disease and in turn transforms herself. It was inspiring and thought provoking. It especially made me think about the way I have been living. My diet is a mess and I am way too stressed out but maybe not enjoying each day as I should. I am always grateful but not always present.

Last week was an emotionally trying time for me and I actually felt my body tense to the point where it may actually be able to snap. So this movie came at the perfect time to wake me up. My life is a bit chaotic, and not always in a good way. So I have decided to make some changes. Maybe move to Brooklyn to save money, but definitely make changes in my health. I have started with trying to cut back on the caffeine....I last about 3 hours. Oh well, maybe better tomorrow.

Secondly I am making Isa and I healthier food choices. I am in no way doing this drastically, but as the food in the refrigerator begins to slowly empty I am replacing it with better choices. I am trying to cut dairy and sugar out of our diet and add more grains and vegetables. I do not have the time or attention span to do things the "right" way or stick with any macrobiotic or whole living program. I am just doing what I can to actively be a healthier and lass stressed person. I am cutting back on the computer and adding yoga into my routine. Well, OK so I did yoga once this week, but that is better than I have been doing.

Next week I get a blender and will begin my new avocado smoothies for breakfast to replace my yogurt. Green juice in the afternoon to replace my coffee. Yoga at night to replace my Internet/movie time. Wish me luck.

The Blog

Blogging has become such a funny hobby of mine. I am a great collector of hobbies. I think when I first thought of starting a Blog it was to market my fitness life. It makes sense since my main money maker is fitness, and yet when I began to write it took on a life of its own. It became more personal and I liked where it was going. It is of course still linked to my website but unless you understand the subtlety of my "Method" or my work you may miss the connection. I love fitness and anatomy and one day I will actually get it together to post those articles and information I have in my computer, but really I don't think we need another website with exercises and information on how to get skinny and fit. Do we need another Blog written by a single mom-probably not. So what is it that I am doing Sometimes I wonder myself, but I know it all makes sense. 

In the spirals and circles of thoughts and Universal energy it makes sense. My professor Art Robbins use to always talk about how he spoke in circles and I actually understood what he meant. It frustrated many but I go it because I process, think, write, and exist in the spirals and circles of life. Things are not always linear and do not always make sense. I guess that is an attraction I have to Pilates. It is based in alignment and fact. For the most part it makes sense. And I think my Method and this blog make sense in that way. Mind, Body, Spirit are connected but it took me a while to completely understand and practice the meaning. One can not exist in balance without the other. The difficulty comes in finding the balance. Balancing a triangle is never easy. 

This blog began as a platform to help others. To highlight the strengths of others. To write about fitness and the body. It has become something else and I am OK with that. It has become a place where I process my own jumbled thoughts. It has also become a place where I get to connect with my dear friend Liz who lives across the pond. For a bit I was contemplating calling it "Dear Liz" but I think it is good to just keep it as it is. It is a place to make sense of life as I know it and also to share with a dear friend the thoughts and events of my life the way we use to share things on a daily basis. It's like a letter or an email but you get to add photos.  So this one is for you Liz.

Summer Nights

I miss this. Late night writing with the window open and a cool breeze coming in. The sound of music coming from my computer (love love Pandora). It is difficult for me to have these late evenings with my work schedule and a child who gets up at 5am most days, and it is something I miss. I have always done my best thinking and found my quiet peace late at night or early in the morning when everyone else is away or asleep and it is just for me. Quiet. I LOVE quiet and being alone. Not in an agoraphobic way or an I hate people way. Just in a quiet peaceful reflective way. It is when I paint and when I write and when I become inspired. I could blame it on college but I think it started way before that. I remember when I was 4 or 5 one night staying up past my parents. Now, I know I had a bedtime and my parents were pretty strict so I have no idea why this particular evening they allowed me to stay up past them but I did. And I remember that it was because I was working on a drawing of a flower and just needed to finish before going to bed (so "Yes" the neurotic artist in me already began long ago). In High School I often began painting late at night and remained there into early hours. I had the best set up. My room was huge and empty and I could open the windows and hear distant cars but mostly just night sounds. It was so calm. I didn't have to think about anyone or anything. During the day it is all business and responsibilities, but at night I can be myself and do my thing. It took me a while to find myself back here, in this place of being alone and completely calm. I don't feel free so much because the responsibilities remain, but for now they are in the distance and I can pretend that the farm air is outside. 

Ahh Freedom

I'm sitting here trying to write something that fits the photos above but sometimes pictures say more than words. I just love these images of Isabella. They were taken as we were waiting to board the MetroNorth train to Bronxville, like we do most Saturdays to work with my client Francesco. It was extremely hot outside and Isa just did not want to get dressed, which honestly I couldn't force her to because it was so damn hot. She also insisted on wearing these wings. Grand Central is so enormous and full of light it is the perfect environment for a child to run free in. I love that she saw this and took full advantage.

Where Have You Been????

Somehow this summer is slipping by and I don't feel like I have been truly present in it. I've been doing a lot of scheduling, planning, organizing, thinking, but have not been relaxing, enjoying, or being a part of the peace summer brings. 

The past few weeks have been hectic. After the next week I think my work will finally begin to slow and Isa will be done with her school for the month of August. Hopefully we will be able to take advantage of this city and all it offers in the summer time. I would like to say the next few weeks I will post photos from neighborhoods and adventures all over the city, but I'm not making a plan. If nothing else I am done making plans until September.

A major event of the past week is that Isa is now 3, or as she says, "I am Big now". She had a week full of festivities and enjoyed her birthday more than any other child I have seen. She chose a Monster theme for her party that nearly pushed me over the edge. I love her creativity but monsters in July are not easy to come by. Princesses and Cars are much easier options. But Monsters are what she wanted and of course I like the challenge, so Monsters she got. 

The venue was easy- Vesuvio Park. It is close and has a pool with lots of tables. Unfortunately weather may be an issue but I pretended it wasn't and willed it away much like when I willed Isa to stay in my Belly a few more days until I was more prepared. I have a strong will. 

Monsters were more difficult to locate. I went to Party City expecting to walk out with all my needs filled. Instead I walked out with a bag of 12 popping plastic monster heads, but it was a start. Remember those rubber monsters that we put on our pencils and fingers when we were little.....can't seem to find them anywhere in NYC. 

Quickly realizing I am not going to find anything else related to Monsters I had to get creative. So I did the most sensible thing I could think and called my mother. She agreed to bake the cake and cookies and I would decorate them. It would save me time and since I truly have not clue about pastry construction it would save me a headache as well. So 24 little cookies were supplied for me to decorate. At first I used the new and very convenient cake markers, however I am much better and faster with the paint so I chose to use food coloring and water to paint the faces on Isa's cookies. The trick here is that you need to have round sugar cookies and cut circles in fondant to match. Place the fondant on the cookies and let sit for 24 hours. After that the white circle becomes your canvas. Using a clean and new paint brush you can basically take a bit of food coloring to the brush, add water, and paint whatever you like.

The next lesson I learned was never ask a soon to be 3 year old what flavor cake she wants, or at least do not allow Strawberry to be an option. Strawberry in Summer just does not work. It soaks up moisture like a sponge and does not cooperate when being frosted. It took me hours and layer upon layer of frosting before there were no longer hints of pink in it. The best frosting for summer is of course not buttercream, unless you want a liquid fiasco, but is what I consider impostor buttercream. Replace butter with Crisco. It stands up better again the harsh sun. Additionally refrigerate as much as possible, unlike myself who decided to begin the cake at 9pm the night before. Another hint; buy frosting bags before beginning this process. I for so

me reason forgot to purchase bags and spent many hours frosting details with a frosting tip and manually pushing frosting through with my finger. I thought for some reason a plastic bag may work if I cut the end off....it didn't. 

Of course in a city like New York people pay lots of money to have parties hosted by the hippest or newest kids play area. I looked into these for inspiration. Luckily she was born in the summer because I would never be able to justify the $400 and up price tag that accompanies such parties. I originally though I would have a yoga instructor come and do a session and follow that with a craft project. Yoga instructors are expensive (and rightly so) but yoga instructors for children's birthday parties are even more expensive. So no yoga, which in the end no one missed and with the heat the kids would most likely have fainted left and right. Instead we all gathered away from the heat under the playground to create our own monsters. This is a great idea that looks time consuming and expensive, but if you have access to a sewing machine it really is simple. 

• Draw the shape of you Monster onto a piece of paper (the simpler the better). Use this as your pattern. 
  
• Pin or trace the shape on white cotton fabric. 
  
• Cut out shape
  
• Sew Monster leaving a hole in the top of head for stuffing. 
  
• Turn Monster right-side out and stuff with Polyfill
  
• Sew hole shut

Decorations:

• Pre-cut felt for eyes, mouth, nose
  
• Glue
  
• Markers to use to draw fur, scales, eyes, nose, mouth, etc.

I had all the white stuffed Monsters on the mat before the kids got there and also scattered a variety of markers, glue, and felt shapes. Most of the children attending Isa's party were around age 3 so I kept this simple and limited choices of decorations to pre-cut felt or glue, however you can adapt and add materials for older age children. 

Re-Create Me

It seems like a while since I made a post, and yet it was just a week ago which makes me think I had one very long week. I always thought of summer as a time to relax and rejuvenate. A time when one could sit back and re-create them self if they needed re-creating. I seemed to always need or want to re-create myself, which I guess is telling of how friggin neurotic I am. So as always I began this summer with a list-a plan- for the long stretch before me, and yet there has been no long stretch.....WHAT??!! I mean I am utterly grateful for the work. Believe me, as a free lancer I LOVE to work. I mentally planned to be penny pinching all summer while hanging out and catching up on a few things. I planned to have lazy days with Isa at the park, pool, beach, or God help me the zoo. I planned to re-create myself. To exercise my ass off (literally). To write more. To read more. To paint more. And yet I have spent my days working more. But I have to say I am not complaining. I feel the best I have in a long while. I am in a routine, I have incredible female friends near and far. I am trying to still write, investigate and be inspired. I am keeping busy and mentally trying to find space for breath. The one thing I truly wanted to do that I have been putting off mainly due to fear of failure and that I think I may have lost my talent along the way is paint. And yet over the weekend the Universe forced me to get out of my box and explore that fear. I was given an opportunity...that may or may not turn into anything. What is greater than this opportunity is that it put a deadline in front of me. It forced me to paint all weekend. At first there was doubt and judgement and all those damn intellectual artists in my past asking me what it meant and why I was doing pretty "girly paintings". then there was the advice from my new artist friend Kate to get out of my head and just let go. It took a while, but I began to feel it again. That amazing adrenaline rush that painting gives me. I was up until 3am the first night. It felt great. I was alive again and could have stayed up all night, but I new Isa does not understand all-nighters and Mommy's need for sleep. I forced myself to bed and was woken up 3 hours later as Isa demanded her am yogurt and apple juice. I coaxed her back to bed while allowing her to indulge in Diego so that I could get a few more hours sleep. For whatever reason she was hyped up that morning and decided to use me as her personal bouncy bounce while pretending to also catch endangered animals with Diego. I knew then it would be a long day. But by the end of the weekend I felt more confident in myself as an artist. I re-connected with my art and that part of me that I kept in a controlled box deep within me. The thing about art and creating for those who follow their creative side is that it is difficult to turn it off once it is out there. It can easily take over and call on you at all times. I have to say, while all the females in my life were encouraging and supportive when I needed the courage to open this side of myself again, the best part was that each time I finished a painting Isa would look at it and take a deep breath and say, "Mommy, that's beautiful." With such drama and attention that my heart would melt each time. If nothing else I can definitely continue to paint just for that. So maybe the summer can still be about re-creating myself and finding a sense of peace while remaining right here in my little NYC apartment busy as Hell.