Motivation

So as we enter the month of August, I find I am losing my motivation.  I think in the Northeast specifically it has been a difficult summer.  One of the many things I love about my job as a Pilates instructor is that I hear from a diverse group of individuals. It seems that a commonality among us is that this just does not seem to be a relaxing or carefree summer.  Between the weather (I think it has rained most days since April) and the economy (forcing us to stress too much or work too much) the idea of sitting back and enjoying the warmth and restfulness of summer is a foreign concept.

I began this summer with every intention to take advantage of the warmth by jogging every day.  I even signed up for the NYC marathon lottery hoping it would give me inspiration, and it did - until I learned like most hopefuls that I was not chosen.  So my next goal was to have the most amazingly toned abs and arms I could get, and for a while that too was going well, but then I reached that goal and the arms and abs decided they liked it better being just less than amazing.  

So now, I am thinking that it is nearly August.  Before I know it Fall will have arrived and I will be back to a hectic schedule.  So instead of looking and achieving goals and stressing about working or not working I'm going to try something new and relax.  Now those of you who know me also know that this is not an easy task.  I find comfort in moving and having a goal and purpose, but I think at this time I need a break.  My daughter just turned 2 and is beginning to comprehend "Time Out".  When we are walking too much or she feels she needs a break she will sit wherever she is and declare "Time Out".  So in her words I too need a time out in order to appreciate the stillness of summer.  My mind and body need a break.  I may not be going away but in my mind the pressure to "do" or achieve is going on vacation.  

Introduction

About Me

I am a Pilates instructor, Creative Art Therapist, Artist, and most importantly and defining a single mom in New York City.  I find I need to have myself in several facets in order to feel truly balanced and complete.  Being a single mom has its challenges, but being a single mom in NYC is truly difficult.  My childhood was spent in the country air.  My memories from that time are similar to those Old Time lemonade commercials- you know with the breeze and the kids running.  It was a slow town with miles of grass to run in.  It was safe to go outside for hours and return at dark. Raising my daughter in NYC is a mystery to me.  Don’t get me wrong I love this city- it represents my true self and the place I discovered my voice and passions, but as a Mom it is a mystery. As a single Mom it can be a blessing and a nightmare.  There is little room for vulnerability, and I have needed to develop a thicker skin.  

When I decided to write this blog it was mainly intended as a way to market my exercise methods and professional ideas, but part of what makes me good at my job is that I bring my self into it.  Therefore, it would only make sense that this blog also includes aspects of my life that make me who I am.  I do not have the perfect answers but hopefully through my experience and research I can help open a door or even begin to create a new thought for you that will help you on your own path of self discovery.  We all have an internal strength - but sometimes we forget and need to be reminded of our own resilience.  

My Story

When I was a therapist with survivors of sexual abuse the group we would do that allowed members to tell their story was always of great importance in their journey of healing because by telling the story again and again to another person it becomes real but it also becomes released.  In that moment I saw an enormous change in vulnerability and strength where victimization gives way to strength. I think each of us has that story but we need a space to share it - sometimes in words, or art, or through our bodies.  I think that is what truly brings me to this blog and to the work I do.  As I search for my story I hope to help others reveal their own.  

So here is what I have learned about myself so far.  I am strong, I am passionate, I am loving, and I mess up....a lot.  But most important I continue to pick myself up (often with the help of others) and I continue to challenge myself and learn.  

Two years ago (as of Thursday) I became a mother to the most amazing little girl, and nearly a year ago I became a single mother. In the course of this year I have had to look deep within to challenge my fears and look to my core strength - both literally and metaphorically.  During the first year of my daughter's life I was learning how to be a mother and deal with an unhealthy relationship as well as juggle work and life.  It was a year of survival and I do not remember much of how I felt because I pushed those feelings far beneath the surface - that is what we do when we are surviving.  During the second year of my daughter's life I decided to go beyond surviving and began to fight back.  

When I was younger I use to fight off my fears by closing my eyes and diving in.  This past year I learned to close my eyes and leap all over again.  I'm not afraid of being alone, but to be the sole person my child looks to and is dependent on is a scary thought.  On top of that is the sudden realization that I am a single woman in my mid 30's in New York City.  I'm still working through that one.  Let's just say I feel often that I was in a time capsule for 10 years and let out suddenly without warning.  

I am working it out and making mistakes and trying the best I can.  I am hoping that through this blog I continue to find a way to connect and re-connect the webs of my life until it is more complete, and in doing so have others question or learn about themselves.  This is not just a blog for single moms, but will also be about art and fitness and the amazing workshops I intend to do combining both of these. I look forward to sharing my thoughts and hearing from you in the newest part of my journey.

Andrea