Ahh Freedom

I'm sitting here trying to write something that fits the photos above but sometimes pictures say more than words. I just love these images of Isabella. They were taken as we were waiting to board the MetroNorth train to Bronxville, like we do most Saturdays to work with my client Francesco. It was extremely hot outside and Isa just did not want to get dressed, which honestly I couldn't force her to because it was so damn hot. She also insisted on wearing these wings. Grand Central is so enormous and full of light it is the perfect environment for a child to run free in. I love that she saw this and took full advantage.

Where Have You Been????

Somehow this summer is slipping by and I don't feel like I have been truly present in it. I've been doing a lot of scheduling, planning, organizing, thinking, but have not been relaxing, enjoying, or being a part of the peace summer brings. 

The past few weeks have been hectic. After the next week I think my work will finally begin to slow and Isa will be done with her school for the month of August. Hopefully we will be able to take advantage of this city and all it offers in the summer time. I would like to say the next few weeks I will post photos from neighborhoods and adventures all over the city, but I'm not making a plan. If nothing else I am done making plans until September.

A major event of the past week is that Isa is now 3, or as she says, "I am Big now". She had a week full of festivities and enjoyed her birthday more than any other child I have seen. She chose a Monster theme for her party that nearly pushed me over the edge. I love her creativity but monsters in July are not easy to come by. Princesses and Cars are much easier options. But Monsters are what she wanted and of course I like the challenge, so Monsters she got. 

The venue was easy- Vesuvio Park. It is close and has a pool with lots of tables. Unfortunately weather may be an issue but I pretended it wasn't and willed it away much like when I willed Isa to stay in my Belly a few more days until I was more prepared. I have a strong will. 

Monsters were more difficult to locate. I went to Party City expecting to walk out with all my needs filled. Instead I walked out with a bag of 12 popping plastic monster heads, but it was a start. Remember those rubber monsters that we put on our pencils and fingers when we were little.....can't seem to find them anywhere in NYC. 

Quickly realizing I am not going to find anything else related to Monsters I had to get creative. So I did the most sensible thing I could think and called my mother. She agreed to bake the cake and cookies and I would decorate them. It would save me time and since I truly have not clue about pastry construction it would save me a headache as well. So 24 little cookies were supplied for me to decorate. At first I used the new and very convenient cake markers, however I am much better and faster with the paint so I chose to use food coloring and water to paint the faces on Isa's cookies. The trick here is that you need to have round sugar cookies and cut circles in fondant to match. Place the fondant on the cookies and let sit for 24 hours. After that the white circle becomes your canvas. Using a clean and new paint brush you can basically take a bit of food coloring to the brush, add water, and paint whatever you like.

The next lesson I learned was never ask a soon to be 3 year old what flavor cake she wants, or at least do not allow Strawberry to be an option. Strawberry in Summer just does not work. It soaks up moisture like a sponge and does not cooperate when being frosted. It took me hours and layer upon layer of frosting before there were no longer hints of pink in it. The best frosting for summer is of course not buttercream, unless you want a liquid fiasco, but is what I consider impostor buttercream. Replace butter with Crisco. It stands up better again the harsh sun. Additionally refrigerate as much as possible, unlike myself who decided to begin the cake at 9pm the night before. Another hint; buy frosting bags before beginning this process. I for so

me reason forgot to purchase bags and spent many hours frosting details with a frosting tip and manually pushing frosting through with my finger. I thought for some reason a plastic bag may work if I cut the end off....it didn't. 

Of course in a city like New York people pay lots of money to have parties hosted by the hippest or newest kids play area. I looked into these for inspiration. Luckily she was born in the summer because I would never be able to justify the $400 and up price tag that accompanies such parties. I originally though I would have a yoga instructor come and do a session and follow that with a craft project. Yoga instructors are expensive (and rightly so) but yoga instructors for children's birthday parties are even more expensive. So no yoga, which in the end no one missed and with the heat the kids would most likely have fainted left and right. Instead we all gathered away from the heat under the playground to create our own monsters. This is a great idea that looks time consuming and expensive, but if you have access to a sewing machine it really is simple. 

• Draw the shape of you Monster onto a piece of paper (the simpler the better). Use this as your pattern. 
  
• Pin or trace the shape on white cotton fabric. 
  
• Cut out shape
  
• Sew Monster leaving a hole in the top of head for stuffing. 
  
• Turn Monster right-side out and stuff with Polyfill
  
• Sew hole shut

Decorations:

• Pre-cut felt for eyes, mouth, nose
  
• Glue
  
• Markers to use to draw fur, scales, eyes, nose, mouth, etc.

I had all the white stuffed Monsters on the mat before the kids got there and also scattered a variety of markers, glue, and felt shapes. Most of the children attending Isa's party were around age 3 so I kept this simple and limited choices of decorations to pre-cut felt or glue, however you can adapt and add materials for older age children. 

Re-Create Me

It seems like a while since I made a post, and yet it was just a week ago which makes me think I had one very long week. I always thought of summer as a time to relax and rejuvenate. A time when one could sit back and re-create them self if they needed re-creating. I seemed to always need or want to re-create myself, which I guess is telling of how friggin neurotic I am. So as always I began this summer with a list-a plan- for the long stretch before me, and yet there has been no long stretch.....WHAT??!! I mean I am utterly grateful for the work. Believe me, as a free lancer I LOVE to work. I mentally planned to be penny pinching all summer while hanging out and catching up on a few things. I planned to have lazy days with Isa at the park, pool, beach, or God help me the zoo. I planned to re-create myself. To exercise my ass off (literally). To write more. To read more. To paint more. And yet I have spent my days working more. But I have to say I am not complaining. I feel the best I have in a long while. I am in a routine, I have incredible female friends near and far. I am trying to still write, investigate and be inspired. I am keeping busy and mentally trying to find space for breath. The one thing I truly wanted to do that I have been putting off mainly due to fear of failure and that I think I may have lost my talent along the way is paint. And yet over the weekend the Universe forced me to get out of my box and explore that fear. I was given an opportunity...that may or may not turn into anything. What is greater than this opportunity is that it put a deadline in front of me. It forced me to paint all weekend. At first there was doubt and judgement and all those damn intellectual artists in my past asking me what it meant and why I was doing pretty "girly paintings". then there was the advice from my new artist friend Kate to get out of my head and just let go. It took a while, but I began to feel it again. That amazing adrenaline rush that painting gives me. I was up until 3am the first night. It felt great. I was alive again and could have stayed up all night, but I new Isa does not understand all-nighters and Mommy's need for sleep. I forced myself to bed and was woken up 3 hours later as Isa demanded her am yogurt and apple juice. I coaxed her back to bed while allowing her to indulge in Diego so that I could get a few more hours sleep. For whatever reason she was hyped up that morning and decided to use me as her personal bouncy bounce while pretending to also catch endangered animals with Diego. I knew then it would be a long day. But by the end of the weekend I felt more confident in myself as an artist. I re-connected with my art and that part of me that I kept in a controlled box deep within me. The thing about art and creating for those who follow their creative side is that it is difficult to turn it off once it is out there. It can easily take over and call on you at all times. I have to say, while all the females in my life were encouraging and supportive when I needed the courage to open this side of myself again, the best part was that each time I finished a painting Isa would look at it and take a deep breath and say, "Mommy, that's beautiful." With such drama and attention that my heart would melt each time. If nothing else I can definitely continue to paint just for that. So maybe the summer can still be about re-creating myself and finding a sense of peace while remaining right here in my little NYC apartment busy as Hell.

SUMMER

Summer is finally here and the fireworks went off to prove it. In the past I have dreaded summer in the city, but this year it is treating me well. It can get lonely here during these hot months. Most of the friends and families we see in the park throughout the year leave for the summer months. I don't think there are many other places in the world that this happens, but it is common that people will leave for their vacation homes or destinations for the months of July and August. For those of us with responsibilities or lack of funds (or both) it can feel lonely and empty in the summer. Add to that equation single motherhood and freelance job and it can get stressful and depressing. Perhaps I was more prepared this summer but it isn' yet affecting me. Luckily my job has held steady for the past month, and if it slowed down I think I would like the break to catch up on those stacks of projects mounting on my desk. 

So during this hottest of hot summer weekends in the city Isa and I made the most of it. Her father is stepping up a bit more to help out these days and I am trying my best to allow him in her life. It is a true test in patience, zen, and holding back every thought I have. It is an enormous undergoing and practice of tolerance, and yet I know she needs a father and this is the one she has. So I practice patience which is also great use when raising a toddler. There are many times when there is a parallel process in dealing with Isa and dealing with my ex. 

But it is helpful to know he is there now to take her into the dreaded swimming pool near our house. This has been my nightmare 2 years going now. A public pool for kids (and their chapperones) in which bathing suits must be worn (without coverups) for all of SOHO (ie: model and fashinista hell) to see and judge. I will make it into the pool before summer ends but for now I am happy to let this be his way of bonding with his daughter. 

So after a long day of park and pool I decided to take ISa to the fireworks. She told me she would rather watch Diego at home, which I let her watch hoping it would keep her up to watch the fireworks. It did, but then she wanted more Diego and not to go outside with me. The poor creature- I almost caved, but I knew she would love them. How do you describe fireworks to a child who has never seen them before. 

     This is how she likes to watch our computer - curled up and nearly falling off....so cute!!

So I took her in her pajamas and grabbed some juice and the Ergo and we set off toward the river. Now I had no idea if we could actually get to the river and if so if we could view the fireworks from there. We arrived at 9:20pm and 5 minutes later they started. Isa's face lit up with a smile and she said, "Wow, Mommy look", which made the entire thing worth it. It is amazing to watch her see things for the first time. If it were not for Isa I most likely would have stayed home, but I love to see her experiencing new things and especially these amazing events that happen infrequently throughout the year. After about 15 minutes she was ready to go, and so we walked back through the dark and slightly haunting streets of the west side, but it felt energetic and uplifting to be out on a hot summer night with the best person I know.