Where Have You Been????

Somehow this summer is slipping by and I don't feel like I have been truly present in it. I've been doing a lot of scheduling, planning, organizing, thinking, but have not been relaxing, enjoying, or being a part of the peace summer brings. 

The past few weeks have been hectic. After the next week I think my work will finally begin to slow and Isa will be done with her school for the month of August. Hopefully we will be able to take advantage of this city and all it offers in the summer time. I would like to say the next few weeks I will post photos from neighborhoods and adventures all over the city, but I'm not making a plan. If nothing else I am done making plans until September.

A major event of the past week is that Isa is now 3, or as she says, "I am Big now". She had a week full of festivities and enjoyed her birthday more than any other child I have seen. She chose a Monster theme for her party that nearly pushed me over the edge. I love her creativity but monsters in July are not easy to come by. Princesses and Cars are much easier options. But Monsters are what she wanted and of course I like the challenge, so Monsters she got. 

The venue was easy- Vesuvio Park. It is close and has a pool with lots of tables. Unfortunately weather may be an issue but I pretended it wasn't and willed it away much like when I willed Isa to stay in my Belly a few more days until I was more prepared. I have a strong will. 

Monsters were more difficult to locate. I went to Party City expecting to walk out with all my needs filled. Instead I walked out with a bag of 12 popping plastic monster heads, but it was a start. Remember those rubber monsters that we put on our pencils and fingers when we were little.....can't seem to find them anywhere in NYC. 

Quickly realizing I am not going to find anything else related to Monsters I had to get creative. So I did the most sensible thing I could think and called my mother. She agreed to bake the cake and cookies and I would decorate them. It would save me time and since I truly have not clue about pastry construction it would save me a headache as well. So 24 little cookies were supplied for me to decorate. At first I used the new and very convenient cake markers, however I am much better and faster with the paint so I chose to use food coloring and water to paint the faces on Isa's cookies. The trick here is that you need to have round sugar cookies and cut circles in fondant to match. Place the fondant on the cookies and let sit for 24 hours. After that the white circle becomes your canvas. Using a clean and new paint brush you can basically take a bit of food coloring to the brush, add water, and paint whatever you like.

The next lesson I learned was never ask a soon to be 3 year old what flavor cake she wants, or at least do not allow Strawberry to be an option. Strawberry in Summer just does not work. It soaks up moisture like a sponge and does not cooperate when being frosted. It took me hours and layer upon layer of frosting before there were no longer hints of pink in it. The best frosting for summer is of course not buttercream, unless you want a liquid fiasco, but is what I consider impostor buttercream. Replace butter with Crisco. It stands up better again the harsh sun. Additionally refrigerate as much as possible, unlike myself who decided to begin the cake at 9pm the night before. Another hint; buy frosting bags before beginning this process. I for so

me reason forgot to purchase bags and spent many hours frosting details with a frosting tip and manually pushing frosting through with my finger. I thought for some reason a plastic bag may work if I cut the end off....it didn't. 

Of course in a city like New York people pay lots of money to have parties hosted by the hippest or newest kids play area. I looked into these for inspiration. Luckily she was born in the summer because I would never be able to justify the $400 and up price tag that accompanies such parties. I originally though I would have a yoga instructor come and do a session and follow that with a craft project. Yoga instructors are expensive (and rightly so) but yoga instructors for children's birthday parties are even more expensive. So no yoga, which in the end no one missed and with the heat the kids would most likely have fainted left and right. Instead we all gathered away from the heat under the playground to create our own monsters. This is a great idea that looks time consuming and expensive, but if you have access to a sewing machine it really is simple. 

• Draw the shape of you Monster onto a piece of paper (the simpler the better). Use this as your pattern. 
  
• Pin or trace the shape on white cotton fabric. 
  
• Cut out shape
  
• Sew Monster leaving a hole in the top of head for stuffing. 
  
• Turn Monster right-side out and stuff with Polyfill
  
• Sew hole shut

Decorations:

• Pre-cut felt for eyes, mouth, nose
  
• Glue
  
• Markers to use to draw fur, scales, eyes, nose, mouth, etc.

I had all the white stuffed Monsters on the mat before the kids got there and also scattered a variety of markers, glue, and felt shapes. Most of the children attending Isa's party were around age 3 so I kept this simple and limited choices of decorations to pre-cut felt or glue, however you can adapt and add materials for older age children. 

Re-Create Me

It seems like a while since I made a post, and yet it was just a week ago which makes me think I had one very long week. I always thought of summer as a time to relax and rejuvenate. A time when one could sit back and re-create them self if they needed re-creating. I seemed to always need or want to re-create myself, which I guess is telling of how friggin neurotic I am. So as always I began this summer with a list-a plan- for the long stretch before me, and yet there has been no long stretch.....WHAT??!! I mean I am utterly grateful for the work. Believe me, as a free lancer I LOVE to work. I mentally planned to be penny pinching all summer while hanging out and catching up on a few things. I planned to have lazy days with Isa at the park, pool, beach, or God help me the zoo. I planned to re-create myself. To exercise my ass off (literally). To write more. To read more. To paint more. And yet I have spent my days working more. But I have to say I am not complaining. I feel the best I have in a long while. I am in a routine, I have incredible female friends near and far. I am trying to still write, investigate and be inspired. I am keeping busy and mentally trying to find space for breath. The one thing I truly wanted to do that I have been putting off mainly due to fear of failure and that I think I may have lost my talent along the way is paint. And yet over the weekend the Universe forced me to get out of my box and explore that fear. I was given an opportunity...that may or may not turn into anything. What is greater than this opportunity is that it put a deadline in front of me. It forced me to paint all weekend. At first there was doubt and judgement and all those damn intellectual artists in my past asking me what it meant and why I was doing pretty "girly paintings". then there was the advice from my new artist friend Kate to get out of my head and just let go. It took a while, but I began to feel it again. That amazing adrenaline rush that painting gives me. I was up until 3am the first night. It felt great. I was alive again and could have stayed up all night, but I new Isa does not understand all-nighters and Mommy's need for sleep. I forced myself to bed and was woken up 3 hours later as Isa demanded her am yogurt and apple juice. I coaxed her back to bed while allowing her to indulge in Diego so that I could get a few more hours sleep. For whatever reason she was hyped up that morning and decided to use me as her personal bouncy bounce while pretending to also catch endangered animals with Diego. I knew then it would be a long day. But by the end of the weekend I felt more confident in myself as an artist. I re-connected with my art and that part of me that I kept in a controlled box deep within me. The thing about art and creating for those who follow their creative side is that it is difficult to turn it off once it is out there. It can easily take over and call on you at all times. I have to say, while all the females in my life were encouraging and supportive when I needed the courage to open this side of myself again, the best part was that each time I finished a painting Isa would look at it and take a deep breath and say, "Mommy, that's beautiful." With such drama and attention that my heart would melt each time. If nothing else I can definitely continue to paint just for that. So maybe the summer can still be about re-creating myself and finding a sense of peace while remaining right here in my little NYC apartment busy as Hell.

SUMMER

Summer is finally here and the fireworks went off to prove it. In the past I have dreaded summer in the city, but this year it is treating me well. It can get lonely here during these hot months. Most of the friends and families we see in the park throughout the year leave for the summer months. I don't think there are many other places in the world that this happens, but it is common that people will leave for their vacation homes or destinations for the months of July and August. For those of us with responsibilities or lack of funds (or both) it can feel lonely and empty in the summer. Add to that equation single motherhood and freelance job and it can get stressful and depressing. Perhaps I was more prepared this summer but it isn' yet affecting me. Luckily my job has held steady for the past month, and if it slowed down I think I would like the break to catch up on those stacks of projects mounting on my desk. 

So during this hottest of hot summer weekends in the city Isa and I made the most of it. Her father is stepping up a bit more to help out these days and I am trying my best to allow him in her life. It is a true test in patience, zen, and holding back every thought I have. It is an enormous undergoing and practice of tolerance, and yet I know she needs a father and this is the one she has. So I practice patience which is also great use when raising a toddler. There are many times when there is a parallel process in dealing with Isa and dealing with my ex. 

But it is helpful to know he is there now to take her into the dreaded swimming pool near our house. This has been my nightmare 2 years going now. A public pool for kids (and their chapperones) in which bathing suits must be worn (without coverups) for all of SOHO (ie: model and fashinista hell) to see and judge. I will make it into the pool before summer ends but for now I am happy to let this be his way of bonding with his daughter. 

So after a long day of park and pool I decided to take ISa to the fireworks. She told me she would rather watch Diego at home, which I let her watch hoping it would keep her up to watch the fireworks. It did, but then she wanted more Diego and not to go outside with me. The poor creature- I almost caved, but I knew she would love them. How do you describe fireworks to a child who has never seen them before. 

     This is how she likes to watch our computer - curled up and nearly falling off....so cute!!

So I took her in her pajamas and grabbed some juice and the Ergo and we set off toward the river. Now I had no idea if we could actually get to the river and if so if we could view the fireworks from there. We arrived at 9:20pm and 5 minutes later they started. Isa's face lit up with a smile and she said, "Wow, Mommy look", which made the entire thing worth it. It is amazing to watch her see things for the first time. If it were not for Isa I most likely would have stayed home, but I love to see her experiencing new things and especially these amazing events that happen infrequently throughout the year. After about 15 minutes she was ready to go, and so we walked back through the dark and slightly haunting streets of the west side, but it felt energetic and uplifting to be out on a hot summer night with the best person I know.

Subway Art

Yup! That about explains it all. NYC on a summer's day in the subway. 

Prior to having a child, I actually didn't mind the subway. When I was in school I did most of my reading and homework while riding the train from one location to the next. I conquered many great novels (and No not the chick lit variety, but actual novels). I planned my days, my schedules, and my cases (when I was a therapist). I knew which train went where, and could basically tell anyone how to get anywhere. Next to walking (which I still love) riding the subway trains was oddly relaxing. In summer they were cool and in winter they were a welcome warmth. 

All that has changed. I now judge a train by its direct connection, elevator accessibility, and number of stops. I now see the wooden benches as bed bug collectors and poles as grease magnets. I can see danger in every corner of the platform. I am aware of every rodent and insect. A 15 minute trip feels like hours. All this because I have a beautiful little child who thinks poles are for dancing, seats are for licking, and platforms are super cool to look down over and spot rats. 

So when I needed to take the train this past weekend and the trains were running on their Holiday/Weekend/Summer schedule I decided to wait it out on the Union Square platform where the artist, Tom Otterness has designed several sculptures of "the man at work". Isa and I explored all the sculptures along the platform, and the photo above was definitely a favorite for her. His work can also be viewed in Battery Park which Isa also has explored and climbed upon. 

I still can't quite relax on a subway anymore, but at least motherhood has forced me to explore things I may not have in the past. 

A New Path

According to my lovely psychic, Dante, I am suppose to meet my future husband this coming July. As I have touched on in the past, I am very much a believer of psychic energy and the mysteries of the universe, however I also tend not to put all my eggs in the basket. I think astrology charts (Susan Miller is a great one) and psychics (The good not the street cart variety) can be helpful. IF (BIG IF) you use it correctly. I go to psychics and other healers when I am truly in a fog. I feel my life is overwhelmed or my own energy channels are out of touch. I use it as a method of re-direction. A check to see if I am on the right path or as a way to bring a bit of light into my fog. After my breakup I used it to give me hope. I needed to know my child would be safe and that I was making the right decisions. Mainly I use it when I feel I need to, and I go to someone I trust. I think we all have the capability to be intuitive or psychically aware people, but some can see it clearer. I have this intuition for others but not as much for myself. I think it is also a trust issue (God knows I suffer from that).

So long story short, July is the month I am destined to meet my soul mate (I say this half joking). Supposedly he will just appear when the time is right. Which is funny because I always say that the man of my dreams will have to drop down from the sky and carry me off because I am so unaware when someone is actually interested in me. He will also have to be quite determined because I am currently in a place of not really needing or wanting a relationship. I have not been hiding, just haven't really been interested. My priorities are different with Isa. I think also being a single Mom, because of an enormously draining breakup, has placed me in this odd holding area. I do not yet know if I want to be in a relationship. I don't really have the desire for it. The thought of sharing and compromising and thinking always of yet another person is just not appealing. So we'll see. I am open minded but there is a huge monster of doubt giving the evil eye over my shoulder to this mystery apparition lingering before me. time will tell I suppose.

What I have been doing these past few months is finding girl friends and re-connecting with my old ways. Prior to serious boyfriends and grown-up life I was a freer spirit and an artist. I actually created art because I loved it and had a passion for it. Not thinking necessary just pure delight. I read every book visited every museum and gallery. I also listened to a lot of loud freeing girl band music. In my mind I am sure I am overly glamorizing these times, but I think they truly inspired me and made me a freer spirit than ever before and possibly ever after. A lot of this is credit to Liz. She is the one who introduced me to feminism through music. From there I began a quest for female writers and also artists. In art history class I often went beyond the syllabus to seek out the 1 or 2 women that made a name for themselves during such male dominated periods in history. I began to make lists of these women- it was a challenge but it was possible. 

I was never an active feminist or activist really. I think I had the drive in me but never truly the courage. After the post I wrote on Isa's princess I think I was re-inspired by my memories of this time in my own history. What happened to change my path. I've been listening to a lot of Hole these days while competing with my neighbors on the treadmill. Once again, say what you will, but Courtney Love has some strong empowering music. I am beginning to follow a path I left behind. The one that feels most natural to me. I think activism is truly about giving a voice to those things or people that can not always do it alone or who are not listened to. I am working toward bringing a voice to the issues that mean the most to me. It is not a coincidence that I was blessed with a strong independent girl in Isa. I am choosing to continue my fight for women's rights and once again give a voice to women's issues. I don't think it is an old fight just perhaps a forgotten one. 

The Week's Events

The past few weeks have kept me busy in a way that I am not comfortable with. I have been working a lot more. Which is good. Really really good....for my wallet and my bills and the roof over our head. But is bad for my mental well-being. I walk a fine line between wanting to be busy and seen in the spotlight and wanting to hide and sit in a dark room with my work. I have chosen a path of helping people and that means I am often surrounded by people. I love it for many reasons, but I also know that I need a lot of alone time to feel balanced. I am still working on finding that meeting place-it is always a process.

I have also been blessed with a few opportunities that have helped to open my eyes to more paths in my future. I taught a class at the Lululemon Athletica store in SOHO this past Wednesday. I just need to say here how much I love them. Yes. There clothes seem to be a bit expensive to run to the gym in, but I need to also state that these clothes last and are comfortable and sexy. They fit so well there is a reason the price is higher than your average retail store. That is not why I love them though. I love them because of their continued community outreach and support. Lululemon athletic stores have free classes in their stores when the store is closed. They try to highlight area studios and trainers. While highlighting these they also become a place of networking and support for both trainers and clients. It is like a fitness library in there. And yet again they are awesome at entertaining my incredibly active toddler. 

This event also coincided nicely with my blog posting for Citibabes. In New York City there are several indoor play areas because when the weather is not perfect we need a space to take our children to run that will allow them freedom and allow us sanity. Citibabes was one of the first to fill the need and has since expanded to include classes, workshops, and preschool. They have recently launched a blog about everything a family needs to know. Read my contribution on using art with your child. 

I also had the pleasure to attend the book opening party for my dear friend Francesco Clark. The party was full of whose who in fashion and of course I had anxiety dreams over what to wear. I chose something simple and not black (I hate wearing black on black) that of course matched my new shoes. Francesco reminds me constantly of the resiliency people have. Each day he finds strength to go further than the day before, and he is surpassing his goals. He calls me his therapist, but I think it is fairly safe to say he is often mine. 

It's in the Genes

And so it begins. I wonder if Betty Davis knew what she was doing when she overemphasized her trademark looks.

Before there was Madonna there was Blondie! Fierce but not fragile.

Say what you want about her personal life and style, but admittedly Courtney Love did a lot for us Girls through her music, her words, and her presence (and I still have her in my i-pod mix).

 Ahhh Glamorous Theo who is not afraid to take risks and be messy even when they look (and are) a supermodel

The Lunachicks- again Theo rocks! Also the first girl band that made an impression on me. So beautiful and yet so BadAss!

This Princess is brought to you by my talented Isa with no help from me. It was her own true and individual expression. I am adamant in saying that because you may feel she was influenced by my own historical inspirations.