SUMMER

Summer is finally here and the fireworks went off to prove it. In the past I have dreaded summer in the city, but this year it is treating me well. It can get lonely here during these hot months. Most of the friends and families we see in the park throughout the year leave for the summer months. I don't think there are many other places in the world that this happens, but it is common that people will leave for their vacation homes or destinations for the months of July and August. For those of us with responsibilities or lack of funds (or both) it can feel lonely and empty in the summer. Add to that equation single motherhood and freelance job and it can get stressful and depressing. Perhaps I was more prepared this summer but it isn' yet affecting me. Luckily my job has held steady for the past month, and if it slowed down I think I would like the break to catch up on those stacks of projects mounting on my desk. 

So during this hottest of hot summer weekends in the city Isa and I made the most of it. Her father is stepping up a bit more to help out these days and I am trying my best to allow him in her life. It is a true test in patience, zen, and holding back every thought I have. It is an enormous undergoing and practice of tolerance, and yet I know she needs a father and this is the one she has. So I practice patience which is also great use when raising a toddler. There are many times when there is a parallel process in dealing with Isa and dealing with my ex. 

But it is helpful to know he is there now to take her into the dreaded swimming pool near our house. This has been my nightmare 2 years going now. A public pool for kids (and their chapperones) in which bathing suits must be worn (without coverups) for all of SOHO (ie: model and fashinista hell) to see and judge. I will make it into the pool before summer ends but for now I am happy to let this be his way of bonding with his daughter. 

So after a long day of park and pool I decided to take ISa to the fireworks. She told me she would rather watch Diego at home, which I let her watch hoping it would keep her up to watch the fireworks. It did, but then she wanted more Diego and not to go outside with me. The poor creature- I almost caved, but I knew she would love them. How do you describe fireworks to a child who has never seen them before. 

     This is how she likes to watch our computer - curled up and nearly falling off....so cute!!

So I took her in her pajamas and grabbed some juice and the Ergo and we set off toward the river. Now I had no idea if we could actually get to the river and if so if we could view the fireworks from there. We arrived at 9:20pm and 5 minutes later they started. Isa's face lit up with a smile and she said, "Wow, Mommy look", which made the entire thing worth it. It is amazing to watch her see things for the first time. If it were not for Isa I most likely would have stayed home, but I love to see her experiencing new things and especially these amazing events that happen infrequently throughout the year. After about 15 minutes she was ready to go, and so we walked back through the dark and slightly haunting streets of the west side, but it felt energetic and uplifting to be out on a hot summer night with the best person I know.

Subway Art

Yup! That about explains it all. NYC on a summer's day in the subway. 

Prior to having a child, I actually didn't mind the subway. When I was in school I did most of my reading and homework while riding the train from one location to the next. I conquered many great novels (and No not the chick lit variety, but actual novels). I planned my days, my schedules, and my cases (when I was a therapist). I knew which train went where, and could basically tell anyone how to get anywhere. Next to walking (which I still love) riding the subway trains was oddly relaxing. In summer they were cool and in winter they were a welcome warmth. 

All that has changed. I now judge a train by its direct connection, elevator accessibility, and number of stops. I now see the wooden benches as bed bug collectors and poles as grease magnets. I can see danger in every corner of the platform. I am aware of every rodent and insect. A 15 minute trip feels like hours. All this because I have a beautiful little child who thinks poles are for dancing, seats are for licking, and platforms are super cool to look down over and spot rats. 

So when I needed to take the train this past weekend and the trains were running on their Holiday/Weekend/Summer schedule I decided to wait it out on the Union Square platform where the artist, Tom Otterness has designed several sculptures of "the man at work". Isa and I explored all the sculptures along the platform, and the photo above was definitely a favorite for her. His work can also be viewed in Battery Park which Isa also has explored and climbed upon. 

I still can't quite relax on a subway anymore, but at least motherhood has forced me to explore things I may not have in the past. 

A New Path

According to my lovely psychic, Dante, I am suppose to meet my future husband this coming July. As I have touched on in the past, I am very much a believer of psychic energy and the mysteries of the universe, however I also tend not to put all my eggs in the basket. I think astrology charts (Susan Miller is a great one) and psychics (The good not the street cart variety) can be helpful. IF (BIG IF) you use it correctly. I go to psychics and other healers when I am truly in a fog. I feel my life is overwhelmed or my own energy channels are out of touch. I use it as a method of re-direction. A check to see if I am on the right path or as a way to bring a bit of light into my fog. After my breakup I used it to give me hope. I needed to know my child would be safe and that I was making the right decisions. Mainly I use it when I feel I need to, and I go to someone I trust. I think we all have the capability to be intuitive or psychically aware people, but some can see it clearer. I have this intuition for others but not as much for myself. I think it is also a trust issue (God knows I suffer from that).

So long story short, July is the month I am destined to meet my soul mate (I say this half joking). Supposedly he will just appear when the time is right. Which is funny because I always say that the man of my dreams will have to drop down from the sky and carry me off because I am so unaware when someone is actually interested in me. He will also have to be quite determined because I am currently in a place of not really needing or wanting a relationship. I have not been hiding, just haven't really been interested. My priorities are different with Isa. I think also being a single Mom, because of an enormously draining breakup, has placed me in this odd holding area. I do not yet know if I want to be in a relationship. I don't really have the desire for it. The thought of sharing and compromising and thinking always of yet another person is just not appealing. So we'll see. I am open minded but there is a huge monster of doubt giving the evil eye over my shoulder to this mystery apparition lingering before me. time will tell I suppose.

What I have been doing these past few months is finding girl friends and re-connecting with my old ways. Prior to serious boyfriends and grown-up life I was a freer spirit and an artist. I actually created art because I loved it and had a passion for it. Not thinking necessary just pure delight. I read every book visited every museum and gallery. I also listened to a lot of loud freeing girl band music. In my mind I am sure I am overly glamorizing these times, but I think they truly inspired me and made me a freer spirit than ever before and possibly ever after. A lot of this is credit to Liz. She is the one who introduced me to feminism through music. From there I began a quest for female writers and also artists. In art history class I often went beyond the syllabus to seek out the 1 or 2 women that made a name for themselves during such male dominated periods in history. I began to make lists of these women- it was a challenge but it was possible. 

I was never an active feminist or activist really. I think I had the drive in me but never truly the courage. After the post I wrote on Isa's princess I think I was re-inspired by my memories of this time in my own history. What happened to change my path. I've been listening to a lot of Hole these days while competing with my neighbors on the treadmill. Once again, say what you will, but Courtney Love has some strong empowering music. I am beginning to follow a path I left behind. The one that feels most natural to me. I think activism is truly about giving a voice to those things or people that can not always do it alone or who are not listened to. I am working toward bringing a voice to the issues that mean the most to me. It is not a coincidence that I was blessed with a strong independent girl in Isa. I am choosing to continue my fight for women's rights and once again give a voice to women's issues. I don't think it is an old fight just perhaps a forgotten one. 

The Week's Events

The past few weeks have kept me busy in a way that I am not comfortable with. I have been working a lot more. Which is good. Really really good....for my wallet and my bills and the roof over our head. But is bad for my mental well-being. I walk a fine line between wanting to be busy and seen in the spotlight and wanting to hide and sit in a dark room with my work. I have chosen a path of helping people and that means I am often surrounded by people. I love it for many reasons, but I also know that I need a lot of alone time to feel balanced. I am still working on finding that meeting place-it is always a process.

I have also been blessed with a few opportunities that have helped to open my eyes to more paths in my future. I taught a class at the Lululemon Athletica store in SOHO this past Wednesday. I just need to say here how much I love them. Yes. There clothes seem to be a bit expensive to run to the gym in, but I need to also state that these clothes last and are comfortable and sexy. They fit so well there is a reason the price is higher than your average retail store. That is not why I love them though. I love them because of their continued community outreach and support. Lululemon athletic stores have free classes in their stores when the store is closed. They try to highlight area studios and trainers. While highlighting these they also become a place of networking and support for both trainers and clients. It is like a fitness library in there. And yet again they are awesome at entertaining my incredibly active toddler. 

This event also coincided nicely with my blog posting for Citibabes. In New York City there are several indoor play areas because when the weather is not perfect we need a space to take our children to run that will allow them freedom and allow us sanity. Citibabes was one of the first to fill the need and has since expanded to include classes, workshops, and preschool. They have recently launched a blog about everything a family needs to know. Read my contribution on using art with your child. 

I also had the pleasure to attend the book opening party for my dear friend Francesco Clark. The party was full of whose who in fashion and of course I had anxiety dreams over what to wear. I chose something simple and not black (I hate wearing black on black) that of course matched my new shoes. Francesco reminds me constantly of the resiliency people have. Each day he finds strength to go further than the day before, and he is surpassing his goals. He calls me his therapist, but I think it is fairly safe to say he is often mine. 

It's in the Genes

And so it begins. I wonder if Betty Davis knew what she was doing when she overemphasized her trademark looks.

Before there was Madonna there was Blondie! Fierce but not fragile.

Say what you want about her personal life and style, but admittedly Courtney Love did a lot for us Girls through her music, her words, and her presence (and I still have her in my i-pod mix).

 Ahhh Glamorous Theo who is not afraid to take risks and be messy even when they look (and are) a supermodel

The Lunachicks- again Theo rocks! Also the first girl band that made an impression on me. So beautiful and yet so BadAss!

This Princess is brought to you by my talented Isa with no help from me. It was her own true and individual expression. I am adamant in saying that because you may feel she was influenced by my own historical inspirations.

Do You Want to be my New Best Friend

I am probably going to be shot for saying this, or at least stampeded by millions of stilletoed heels, but I am not a huge fan of these Sex and The City movies. Yes, I watched the TV show and found it entertaining but I am not running to Magnolia or waiting hours on line for the movie. I do need to admit that the show brought to life the truth that girls need girlfriends. We just do. It helps us to exist and be better people. So I do love the show for that. 

As I have touched on before friendship is a tricky thing in a girl's life. I don't know if men have the same need as us females, but like it or not we need to have female companionship in our life. The tricky thing is finding someone we can trust and laugh with that is, let's be honest, like us. I think we all look for mirrors of our self only in friends we want to look like the better version of the self we perceive us to be. Well, at least I do. I tend to collect people that inspire me and who make me reach higher.

In childhood this is easier to do. We tend to befriend those girls that are somehow within the same vicinity as us. In most cases a class or school is involved. As we get older some of these relationships continue and some fall to the side. Of course as we grow even older it becomes increasingly more difficult to maintain relationships and girlfriends. It is nearly impossible to make new friends and takes effort. And sometimes we think maybe the effort is just not worth it. Our life takes over, our routine settles, or personal need for female conversations and fun is pushed deep inside and sadly can disappear.

NYC, while amazing and wonderful, can be a big lonely pit especially for a girl in need of friends. People here change and move more than anywhere else. It is common to move jobs and apartments multiple times in a year. Sometimes I am envious of my childhood girlfriends who continue to reside in my hometown and still see each other regularly. I made it a goal this year to make an active effort to create new friendships while also maintaining the few relationships I still have. I can't say I have been amazing at this. Most of the time I am exhausted or feeling guilty for leaving Isa to go out again in the evening, but I have made the effort.

So the best friends I have made in my past have been unexpected. I did not like my best friend in high school when I first met her. I think it was a random event during gym class that changed my mind. She mentioned going to Belgium for the summer. I asked how she was going because I thought it was a great idea. She said it was an exchange program. I immediately signed up and we flew together to Paris at 16, went our separate ways and returned together a few months later speaking fluent French (which I have long since forgotten) and became best friends for years to come. My friend Liz I met through a college friend. She did not go to my school but would visit a lot and we bonded immediately (so much so that our mutual friend disappeared). My friend Liza, I noticed my first day at Pratt. I remember thinking in my head, "She bugs me, but I know we will be friends." It took nearly a year but eventually it happened and she is one of the few people I maintained contact with after school ended. My neighbor and I probably would never have noticed each other if we were not both pregnant at the time. We had our children 3 days apart and they are now the best of friends. So my latest friend is Kate. We met at Easter, during an egg hunt that we both made the effort to bring our children to. It was a brief encounter but we made a huge effort to meet again later. The planning it takes to bring 2 Moms together could solve national conflicts and we deserve a reward for our efforts. It was a needed and inspiring night and proves that, "Yes.", Moms in their 30's can still find like minded and cool women to befriend (stay tuned for more blogging about amazing talented Kate).

Fabric and stitches

Today, like many days, I was reading Liz's blog (OK, Elizabeth but I just can't bring myself to say it). I saw this dress and it made me laugh. She was writing about the importance Vintage dresses played in her life, and I think most of us who came of age in the 80's and 90's can relate. Liz and the friend who introduced us (who we both are sadly out of touch with) opened my eyes to the beauty of vintage clothing. 

I think growing up in the country with the only vintage shops being in Albany (mainly specializing in men's coats and the unfortunate clothing of those who had passed) held me back from the true beauty of vintage. There was one store in the middle of nowhere called "The Purple Barn" that my sister an I discovered a few years later. I loved that place because it was so random and odd and true to its name-it was purple (and pink). I think for myself, the adventure was in the finding and not always in the dress. Liz had a better eye for fashion and appreciation, which I guess is why she went into fashion. Unlike Liz, I do not have many of those dresses left but I still remember my favorites. Like the above dress, they never looked like much to others, but to me they were precious. 

Some of my favorite adventures began with riding with Liz and our mutual friend A. to many a store we had heard about. We almost always climbed into the front seat of A's plum colored vintage taxi cab. It was humongous. She let me drive it once. I hit a post trying to get it out of the parking spot (maybe that is why she doesn't talk to me anymore) she never let me drive it again. That car was true vintage excitement. We drove it to every diner in and around the Hudson Valley. Our favorite being the one with the Pez collection (I like to remember this with rhinestones, but I think it was a simple Pez collection). 

We also used the cab to pick up drunk college students at Bard during our days there. It was a large campus and the distance while intoxicated could cause some poor kids to unwillingly camp in the woods. We took this cab to Queens where there was supposedly an amazing Salvation Army (it wasn't so great). Then we went to Domsey's (before it was full of fashionable kids). 

During my early years in NYC, the East Village was full of amazing little vintage shops. Most have since closed and been replaced by newer vintage places like Ina that have done the picking through for you. One of my best vintage memories was when Julie from the Metropolitan Museum gave me her old dresses. She was an older woman that we worked with at the Met. Like many of the people there, she use to be an actress. I think at the time she was still acting a bit but had also been teaching and mainly she had chosen to work at the Met. She had to leave her apartment in Brooklyn Heights for a smaller apartment in Hell's Kitchen. She gave me bags of dresses. I like to imagine that she wore many of them during her after performance parties. There was a navy blue one with the most amazing applique flowers on it. That one is still my favorite. 

So, as for the dress hanging above, "Yes, Liz", S. has every reason to make fun of you because I can see how it looks like a homeless person would wear it, however there is something so magical about it. It is the same dress I was thinking of a few days ago. It is so simple and comfortable and for some reason makes you feel glamorous. Hard to believe looking at it. Maybe you are right and it is the sentimental aspect, but that dress must have been owned by someone with an amazing history because we all cherished it. I can't believe you still have it. While I wish it were in my closet I think it is more fitting and best that it be with you. I probably would have tossed it by now, but it is precious, AND Yes I think it did originate in A's closet and I "stole" it. 

Ahh to be 19 and not care at all for the looks and thoughts running through peoples minds, but boy could those clothes talk.