NEW Blog Space

so in case you missed it I have a new space. I have outgrown Blogger and moved to Wordpress.....the new link can be found on my website www.themitchellmethod.com or by going to www.themitchellmethod.com/blog.

The Search for art

This past Sunday after a long morning indoors and the antsy feeling that Isa and I needed to get out I decided to walk to the water. I have been doing a lot of pro-active searching for balance in my life. Many of the books suggest grounding through walking and connecting to earth. I thought it would be best for both of us to walk to the river and feel like we were away from the stiffness of the city. As soon as we were outside I decided that maybe we should just head to Brooklyn instead. The day before I wanted to go to the Dumbo art Festival, but at the end of the day I was exhausted and Isa was asleep so it was more trouble than it was worth. I decided why not go this morning. It gave us a goal at least. With Isa on my back (that's right still using that lovely Ergo) we headed off on our adventure...to search for art. The walk was much quicker than I thought, and many more people were up walking the bridge early Sunday morning. Dumbo is directly under the Brooklyn Bridge and I must say much nicer than the last time I was there. They have amazing playgrounds and walking paths for Isa. 

We did not see much art but enjoyed it anyway. 

Afghan Hands

On September 30, 2010 my dear friend Matin will once again have a benefit for his organization Afghan Hands. If you cannot attend and would still like to help you can make donations or purchase shawls through his website.  

Afghan Hands
The vast majority of Afghans have suffered due to constant conflict in Afghanistan over the past thirty years, but the most victimized and brutalized by far are the women who have lost their husbands to war. Whether because of common misconceptions about the status of women under Islamic law or because of fear of retribution based on past experiences, these women have no other choice but to live with their in-laws, foregoing any chance of independence and essentially acting as servants.

After witnessing the plight of these Afghan women firsthand, celebrity makeup artist Matin Maulawizada founded Afghan Hands to allow the widows to get an education and earn a decent wage, enabling them to support their families and gain independence. The program, started in 2005 with five women, has grown to include over 200 widows today.

The Afghan Hands approach is two-pronged, involving both education and occupational training. The women receive a stipend to attend school in the mornings to learn literacy, numeracy, and basic human rights within the context of Afghan and Islamic law. This schooling provides them with at least a sixth-grade level education and gives the widows the intellectual tools to protect themselves from injustice within Afghan society. To ensure that they are truly dedicated to learning, they are tested every month, and if the women do not pass, they receive no stipend. In the afternoons, the women learn embroidery and make shawls. After ensuring strict quality control, Afghan Hands sells the best of these one-of-a-kind shawls to help with the organization's operational costs and provide the stipends for the widows.

Celebrity fans of Afghan Hands shawls include Claire Danes, Angelina Jolie, Mena Suvari, Rachel Bilson, and Mandy Moore.

What is perhaps most striking about these women is not their ability to obtain an education or support their families, but the confidence and sense of self that stem from these accomplishments. When they first join the program, these women are afraid to leave the four walls of their compounds or even make eye contact. It is heartbreaking to see their faces, scarred by years of physical, psychological and sexual abuse. But as they see that they can actually learn, that they have a chance for a better life and that they can create objects of great beauty, they begin to smile and laugh. It is then that they are truly empowered. 

Inspiration

It has been a while, and to be honest I am wondering how to continue with this blog. It has taken so many different directions and really I feel I need to focus it somehow. I am still thinking of the layout etc as well as the content. I guess my problem is that I have a lot of information stuck in my brain and like to share it all. Unfortunately, said information is a jumbled mess similar to my thoughts so it seems very difficult to find a workable cohesion. So until then you are stuck with my jumbled mess. This blog has also become a vehicle through which I can communicate with my friend in London so sometimes you may not understand or care about its content but she does....and hopefully you can still be entertained.

Beyond fitness, health and helping others I love that I can use this blog to highlight amazing people. Especially amazing women, and beyond that strong single mothers. That being said, my friend recently interviewed Betsey Johnson and I was reminded that beyond being cool she is a Grandma (yeah we are that old) and a single mom. Go Betsey!!

  

It Didn't Always Use to Be Like This

These days in NYC it is impossible not to notice the obscene amount of youth walking the streets. Squaters are quickly being replaced by NYU students and fresh faced models. A new school year is upon us, as is NYC Fashion Week. While there are many that complain about both of these yearly welcomings of Fall I like the energy it brings to the city. The long hot summer days are quickly being replaced by packed schedules and places to be. I think I am looking at it from new eyes this Fall. I feel very separate from it, and yet can still appreciate the fresh start of a new year. 

Of course it also fills me with nostalgia and I do hear my judgemental self....well judging. I've moved lanes into the "non-person lane." I use to be the smiling young thing amongst the excited crowd of young faces. Now I think the stroller is noticed first and the person behind it second (if at all). I am that person who takes up too much space on the sidewalk and walks a bit slower than a person should walk in this city. 

Last night as I walked home from work there were several crowds of students walking around welcoming each other back. I was surprised that I did not feel a jealous pain. Instead I felt comfortable where I am...here in my slower lane. 

So welcome back students and fresh faced models. I hope the city treats you as well as it has treated me over the years. 

Getting Organic

Me at 25...not very organic...I don't think I even knew what organic was

My non organic self and my I don't care attitude

I'm so addicted to coffee I choose to paint about it

If you are a follower of this blog or know me at all you are well aware I am not the most calm person. I am admittedly neurotic and stressed out. I have accepted this and woven it into my personality. Until recently I fully believed it served me well (see above photos for proof), but I am slowly changing my ways. It is a difficult process and I am determined to make it happen. 

There was a moment a few weeks ago when I was walking down the street and had a thought, "My neck could most likely break in 2 right now and I would hear a loud crack". Beyond that I had heart palpitations, insomnia, and I think I was unquestionably irritable. Months prior to this a client of mine suggested Frank Lipman's book, Spent, but at the time I felt I was too busy to add another book to my growing "To do list". When the neck thing happened I decided to check it out of the library and I quickly soaked up Dr. Lipman's words. He hit on many of my ailments and by changing my diet and a few other things I would be cured. I also was very drawn to his process of slowly eliminating and then adding.

Of course as we all know this is always easier said than done. My anxiety over the past month was at an all time high and I knew I needed to do something or I would soon be found curled into a ball under the kitchen sink so I began to eliminate the toxic and add in the positive. I have to say it is a difficult plan at first, time consuming, expensive if this is far from the way you are use to living, and there is withdrawal (lot's and lot's of withdrawal). But...I felt an immediate change. The physical affects of my anxiety were gone. Mentally I still felt the stress but my body did not hold it the same way. 

So the gist of his work is that we should eat whole grown foods and get rid of all the processed foods. Shop on the outside of the supermarket and if the food comes in a box or can or has more than 5 ingredients then it should no longer have a place at your dinner table. Sounds easy in theory but in practice it has become a bit of a struggle. Add into that mix a toddler and one mother who does not have a talent for cooking and has a strong taste for coffee. Oh, did I mention NO CAFFEINE!!! WHAT??!! Now again, I need to remind those who may not know me that this is a problem. Coffee is my vice. It is what makes me happy. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs but I do drink coffee and lots of it. So I made a compromise and allowed myself 1 cup of home made coffee each morning. Maybe eventually I will also get rid of that. I also am trying to cook. Did I mention my little apartment in this grand city does not have an oven. So obviously a microwave is out since this is about whole natural foods. I am learning to cook on my 2 burner stove top. So far I have mastered rice. Oh, and soup. And rice with soup or soup with rice. I am in the process of finding recipes. Soon I will also have a recipe page on this blog...so any favorite non dairy, non sugar, non wheat recipes feel free to send them my way.

There are actually lots of options but you do need to cook. This is not the city slicker's diet. I won't lie we are consuming so many eggs in my home right now that it may be cheaper to invest in a hen soon. Soon I will get it together to try a recipe and of course post it here. It isn't that I hate to cook, but it takes an awful lot of preparation, ingredients and time, which just is not a priority now. It will be soon when I can't fathom another egg, rice dish or soup. 

Oh and did I mention there is a lifestyle change as well. This part I secretly like. He would like us to limit technology. I got rid of my television a year or so ago so that was not a big deal. I also have begun to cut back on the computer and phone at night. I no longer am very news savvy and really should have a plan in case of evacuation because I would never know. I am reading more and it has helped me to relax. I also am suppose to meditate and do yoga. Both of which I know are amazing for mental health and yet I have only been able to to this twice since the beginning of my program 3 weeks ago, but as I mentioned I am going slow. 

So here is the Lipman breakdown.....

No

- Dairy (I do allow myself a yogurt in the morning with my coffee...because I am a rebel)

- Wheat/gluten....that's right folks unless you find a recipe and make it yourself without wheat there is no bread or pasta on this plan

- Processed foods....slowly we have weened ourselves from the frozen comfort food of Trader Joes and have walked across the street to the aisles of WholeFoods

- Caffeine (tea, coffee, soda etc)

Yes

- Whole grains....brown rice and other grains I can't pronounce as well as steel oats

- Fruit

- Vegetables

- Almond milk (Silk makes a great one now)

- Nuts

- Low Mercury Fish

- Organic Local Meat

Summer's Day Winding Down

Well, after all my bickering this summer I finally was able to escape the city and have a proper weekend away. Isa and I were invited to share in the beautiful wedding of a dear friend/sister. It was an amazing time and reminded me to relax and enjoy life. 

Congratulations A and B! We miss you already.

Coney Island

At the start of the summer I had a list of all the places I wanted to take Isa, and God help me one of them was Coney Island. There is just something about this gritty little place that just needs to be a part of our summer plans. So a week ago we finally made it there. It was not the perfect beach day, but Isa didn't seem to mind. It was so dirty I didn't even want her to touch the water, but again she seemed to love the ocean and all the sand. It was an enormous sandbox to her. We hit all the rides and she learned that you must must must scream as loud as possible on rides...especially the Tilt-a-Whirl and Roller coaster. She seems to have brought that lesson back with her to her normal playground activities. We also hit Ralph's Italian Ice on the boardwalk which was so much better than ice cream. Finally we went to the Aquarium that thankfully has been repaired since my last visit a few years ago. Isa loved it. It was a packed day, and as dirty as it may be it still feels like a summer vacation. If you squint really really hard you can even get a glimpse of the way it use to be in its glory days.

Tentativeness, Transitioning, Transform

August is proving itself to be a testing month full of thoughts and transformations whether I want to deal or not. I have been offered a possible apartment in Brooklyn, which I need to make a decision on this week for the move in date would be September first. It is a large apartment and comes with a roommate and a child. May be ideal and may be a nightmare. I am a creature of habit and crave my isolation. It is not easy for me to relocate or to live with others. I am being tested and not sure which way I will go. Stay tuned.

I also recently decided to watch Crazy Sexy Cancer, my Netflix movie that has been sitting in my apartment for several weeks now. Yes the subject matter is intense. It's about Cancer. However, I took it more as a neurotic control freak (similar to myself) who takes it upon herself to actively respond to a crisis. She immediately changes her life to deal with this awful disease and in turn transforms herself. It was inspiring and thought provoking. It especially made me think about the way I have been living. My diet is a mess and I am way too stressed out but maybe not enjoying each day as I should. I am always grateful but not always present.

Last week was an emotionally trying time for me and I actually felt my body tense to the point where it may actually be able to snap. So this movie came at the perfect time to wake me up. My life is a bit chaotic, and not always in a good way. So I have decided to make some changes. Maybe move to Brooklyn to save money, but definitely make changes in my health. I have started with trying to cut back on the caffeine....I last about 3 hours. Oh well, maybe better tomorrow.

Secondly I am making Isa and I healthier food choices. I am in no way doing this drastically, but as the food in the refrigerator begins to slowly empty I am replacing it with better choices. I am trying to cut dairy and sugar out of our diet and add more grains and vegetables. I do not have the time or attention span to do things the "right" way or stick with any macrobiotic or whole living program. I am just doing what I can to actively be a healthier and lass stressed person. I am cutting back on the computer and adding yoga into my routine. Well, OK so I did yoga once this week, but that is better than I have been doing.

Next week I get a blender and will begin my new avocado smoothies for breakfast to replace my yogurt. Green juice in the afternoon to replace my coffee. Yoga at night to replace my Internet/movie time. Wish me luck.

The Blog

Blogging has become such a funny hobby of mine. I am a great collector of hobbies. I think when I first thought of starting a Blog it was to market my fitness life. It makes sense since my main money maker is fitness, and yet when I began to write it took on a life of its own. It became more personal and I liked where it was going. It is of course still linked to my website but unless you understand the subtlety of my "Method" or my work you may miss the connection. I love fitness and anatomy and one day I will actually get it together to post those articles and information I have in my computer, but really I don't think we need another website with exercises and information on how to get skinny and fit. Do we need another Blog written by a single mom-probably not. So what is it that I am doing Sometimes I wonder myself, but I know it all makes sense. 

In the spirals and circles of thoughts and Universal energy it makes sense. My professor Art Robbins use to always talk about how he spoke in circles and I actually understood what he meant. It frustrated many but I go it because I process, think, write, and exist in the spirals and circles of life. Things are not always linear and do not always make sense. I guess that is an attraction I have to Pilates. It is based in alignment and fact. For the most part it makes sense. And I think my Method and this blog make sense in that way. Mind, Body, Spirit are connected but it took me a while to completely understand and practice the meaning. One can not exist in balance without the other. The difficulty comes in finding the balance. Balancing a triangle is never easy. 

This blog began as a platform to help others. To highlight the strengths of others. To write about fitness and the body. It has become something else and I am OK with that. It has become a place where I process my own jumbled thoughts. It has also become a place where I get to connect with my dear friend Liz who lives across the pond. For a bit I was contemplating calling it "Dear Liz" but I think it is good to just keep it as it is. It is a place to make sense of life as I know it and also to share with a dear friend the thoughts and events of my life the way we use to share things on a daily basis. It's like a letter or an email but you get to add photos.  So this one is for you Liz.

Summer Nights

I miss this. Late night writing with the window open and a cool breeze coming in. The sound of music coming from my computer (love love Pandora). It is difficult for me to have these late evenings with my work schedule and a child who gets up at 5am most days, and it is something I miss. I have always done my best thinking and found my quiet peace late at night or early in the morning when everyone else is away or asleep and it is just for me. Quiet. I LOVE quiet and being alone. Not in an agoraphobic way or an I hate people way. Just in a quiet peaceful reflective way. It is when I paint and when I write and when I become inspired. I could blame it on college but I think it started way before that. I remember when I was 4 or 5 one night staying up past my parents. Now, I know I had a bedtime and my parents were pretty strict so I have no idea why this particular evening they allowed me to stay up past them but I did. And I remember that it was because I was working on a drawing of a flower and just needed to finish before going to bed (so "Yes" the neurotic artist in me already began long ago). In High School I often began painting late at night and remained there into early hours. I had the best set up. My room was huge and empty and I could open the windows and hear distant cars but mostly just night sounds. It was so calm. I didn't have to think about anyone or anything. During the day it is all business and responsibilities, but at night I can be myself and do my thing. It took me a while to find myself back here, in this place of being alone and completely calm. I don't feel free so much because the responsibilities remain, but for now they are in the distance and I can pretend that the farm air is outside. 

Ahh Freedom

I'm sitting here trying to write something that fits the photos above but sometimes pictures say more than words. I just love these images of Isabella. They were taken as we were waiting to board the MetroNorth train to Bronxville, like we do most Saturdays to work with my client Francesco. It was extremely hot outside and Isa just did not want to get dressed, which honestly I couldn't force her to because it was so damn hot. She also insisted on wearing these wings. Grand Central is so enormous and full of light it is the perfect environment for a child to run free in. I love that she saw this and took full advantage.

Where Have You Been????

Somehow this summer is slipping by and I don't feel like I have been truly present in it. I've been doing a lot of scheduling, planning, organizing, thinking, but have not been relaxing, enjoying, or being a part of the peace summer brings. 

The past few weeks have been hectic. After the next week I think my work will finally begin to slow and Isa will be done with her school for the month of August. Hopefully we will be able to take advantage of this city and all it offers in the summer time. I would like to say the next few weeks I will post photos from neighborhoods and adventures all over the city, but I'm not making a plan. If nothing else I am done making plans until September.

A major event of the past week is that Isa is now 3, or as she says, "I am Big now". She had a week full of festivities and enjoyed her birthday more than any other child I have seen. She chose a Monster theme for her party that nearly pushed me over the edge. I love her creativity but monsters in July are not easy to come by. Princesses and Cars are much easier options. But Monsters are what she wanted and of course I like the challenge, so Monsters she got. 

The venue was easy- Vesuvio Park. It is close and has a pool with lots of tables. Unfortunately weather may be an issue but I pretended it wasn't and willed it away much like when I willed Isa to stay in my Belly a few more days until I was more prepared. I have a strong will. 

Monsters were more difficult to locate. I went to Party City expecting to walk out with all my needs filled. Instead I walked out with a bag of 12 popping plastic monster heads, but it was a start. Remember those rubber monsters that we put on our pencils and fingers when we were little.....can't seem to find them anywhere in NYC. 

Quickly realizing I am not going to find anything else related to Monsters I had to get creative. So I did the most sensible thing I could think and called my mother. She agreed to bake the cake and cookies and I would decorate them. It would save me time and since I truly have not clue about pastry construction it would save me a headache as well. So 24 little cookies were supplied for me to decorate. At first I used the new and very convenient cake markers, however I am much better and faster with the paint so I chose to use food coloring and water to paint the faces on Isa's cookies. The trick here is that you need to have round sugar cookies and cut circles in fondant to match. Place the fondant on the cookies and let sit for 24 hours. After that the white circle becomes your canvas. Using a clean and new paint brush you can basically take a bit of food coloring to the brush, add water, and paint whatever you like.

The next lesson I learned was never ask a soon to be 3 year old what flavor cake she wants, or at least do not allow Strawberry to be an option. Strawberry in Summer just does not work. It soaks up moisture like a sponge and does not cooperate when being frosted. It took me hours and layer upon layer of frosting before there were no longer hints of pink in it. The best frosting for summer is of course not buttercream, unless you want a liquid fiasco, but is what I consider impostor buttercream. Replace butter with Crisco. It stands up better again the harsh sun. Additionally refrigerate as much as possible, unlike myself who decided to begin the cake at 9pm the night before. Another hint; buy frosting bags before beginning this process. I for so

me reason forgot to purchase bags and spent many hours frosting details with a frosting tip and manually pushing frosting through with my finger. I thought for some reason a plastic bag may work if I cut the end off....it didn't. 

Of course in a city like New York people pay lots of money to have parties hosted by the hippest or newest kids play area. I looked into these for inspiration. Luckily she was born in the summer because I would never be able to justify the $400 and up price tag that accompanies such parties. I originally though I would have a yoga instructor come and do a session and follow that with a craft project. Yoga instructors are expensive (and rightly so) but yoga instructors for children's birthday parties are even more expensive. So no yoga, which in the end no one missed and with the heat the kids would most likely have fainted left and right. Instead we all gathered away from the heat under the playground to create our own monsters. This is a great idea that looks time consuming and expensive, but if you have access to a sewing machine it really is simple. 

• Draw the shape of you Monster onto a piece of paper (the simpler the better). Use this as your pattern. 
  
• Pin or trace the shape on white cotton fabric. 
  
• Cut out shape
  
• Sew Monster leaving a hole in the top of head for stuffing. 
  
• Turn Monster right-side out and stuff with Polyfill
  
• Sew hole shut

Decorations:

• Pre-cut felt for eyes, mouth, nose
  
• Glue
  
• Markers to use to draw fur, scales, eyes, nose, mouth, etc.

I had all the white stuffed Monsters on the mat before the kids got there and also scattered a variety of markers, glue, and felt shapes. Most of the children attending Isa's party were around age 3 so I kept this simple and limited choices of decorations to pre-cut felt or glue, however you can adapt and add materials for older age children. 

Re-Create Me

It seems like a while since I made a post, and yet it was just a week ago which makes me think I had one very long week. I always thought of summer as a time to relax and rejuvenate. A time when one could sit back and re-create them self if they needed re-creating. I seemed to always need or want to re-create myself, which I guess is telling of how friggin neurotic I am. So as always I began this summer with a list-a plan- for the long stretch before me, and yet there has been no long stretch.....WHAT??!! I mean I am utterly grateful for the work. Believe me, as a free lancer I LOVE to work. I mentally planned to be penny pinching all summer while hanging out and catching up on a few things. I planned to have lazy days with Isa at the park, pool, beach, or God help me the zoo. I planned to re-create myself. To exercise my ass off (literally). To write more. To read more. To paint more. And yet I have spent my days working more. But I have to say I am not complaining. I feel the best I have in a long while. I am in a routine, I have incredible female friends near and far. I am trying to still write, investigate and be inspired. I am keeping busy and mentally trying to find space for breath. The one thing I truly wanted to do that I have been putting off mainly due to fear of failure and that I think I may have lost my talent along the way is paint. And yet over the weekend the Universe forced me to get out of my box and explore that fear. I was given an opportunity...that may or may not turn into anything. What is greater than this opportunity is that it put a deadline in front of me. It forced me to paint all weekend. At first there was doubt and judgement and all those damn intellectual artists in my past asking me what it meant and why I was doing pretty "girly paintings". then there was the advice from my new artist friend Kate to get out of my head and just let go. It took a while, but I began to feel it again. That amazing adrenaline rush that painting gives me. I was up until 3am the first night. It felt great. I was alive again and could have stayed up all night, but I new Isa does not understand all-nighters and Mommy's need for sleep. I forced myself to bed and was woken up 3 hours later as Isa demanded her am yogurt and apple juice. I coaxed her back to bed while allowing her to indulge in Diego so that I could get a few more hours sleep. For whatever reason she was hyped up that morning and decided to use me as her personal bouncy bounce while pretending to also catch endangered animals with Diego. I knew then it would be a long day. But by the end of the weekend I felt more confident in myself as an artist. I re-connected with my art and that part of me that I kept in a controlled box deep within me. The thing about art and creating for those who follow their creative side is that it is difficult to turn it off once it is out there. It can easily take over and call on you at all times. I have to say, while all the females in my life were encouraging and supportive when I needed the courage to open this side of myself again, the best part was that each time I finished a painting Isa would look at it and take a deep breath and say, "Mommy, that's beautiful." With such drama and attention that my heart would melt each time. If nothing else I can definitely continue to paint just for that. So maybe the summer can still be about re-creating myself and finding a sense of peace while remaining right here in my little NYC apartment busy as Hell.

SUMMER

Summer is finally here and the fireworks went off to prove it. In the past I have dreaded summer in the city, but this year it is treating me well. It can get lonely here during these hot months. Most of the friends and families we see in the park throughout the year leave for the summer months. I don't think there are many other places in the world that this happens, but it is common that people will leave for their vacation homes or destinations for the months of July and August. For those of us with responsibilities or lack of funds (or both) it can feel lonely and empty in the summer. Add to that equation single motherhood and freelance job and it can get stressful and depressing. Perhaps I was more prepared this summer but it isn' yet affecting me. Luckily my job has held steady for the past month, and if it slowed down I think I would like the break to catch up on those stacks of projects mounting on my desk. 

So during this hottest of hot summer weekends in the city Isa and I made the most of it. Her father is stepping up a bit more to help out these days and I am trying my best to allow him in her life. It is a true test in patience, zen, and holding back every thought I have. It is an enormous undergoing and practice of tolerance, and yet I know she needs a father and this is the one she has. So I practice patience which is also great use when raising a toddler. There are many times when there is a parallel process in dealing with Isa and dealing with my ex. 

But it is helpful to know he is there now to take her into the dreaded swimming pool near our house. This has been my nightmare 2 years going now. A public pool for kids (and their chapperones) in which bathing suits must be worn (without coverups) for all of SOHO (ie: model and fashinista hell) to see and judge. I will make it into the pool before summer ends but for now I am happy to let this be his way of bonding with his daughter. 

So after a long day of park and pool I decided to take ISa to the fireworks. She told me she would rather watch Diego at home, which I let her watch hoping it would keep her up to watch the fireworks. It did, but then she wanted more Diego and not to go outside with me. The poor creature- I almost caved, but I knew she would love them. How do you describe fireworks to a child who has never seen them before. 

     This is how she likes to watch our computer - curled up and nearly falling off....so cute!!

So I took her in her pajamas and grabbed some juice and the Ergo and we set off toward the river. Now I had no idea if we could actually get to the river and if so if we could view the fireworks from there. We arrived at 9:20pm and 5 minutes later they started. Isa's face lit up with a smile and she said, "Wow, Mommy look", which made the entire thing worth it. It is amazing to watch her see things for the first time. If it were not for Isa I most likely would have stayed home, but I love to see her experiencing new things and especially these amazing events that happen infrequently throughout the year. After about 15 minutes she was ready to go, and so we walked back through the dark and slightly haunting streets of the west side, but it felt energetic and uplifting to be out on a hot summer night with the best person I know.

Subway Art

Yup! That about explains it all. NYC on a summer's day in the subway. 

Prior to having a child, I actually didn't mind the subway. When I was in school I did most of my reading and homework while riding the train from one location to the next. I conquered many great novels (and No not the chick lit variety, but actual novels). I planned my days, my schedules, and my cases (when I was a therapist). I knew which train went where, and could basically tell anyone how to get anywhere. Next to walking (which I still love) riding the subway trains was oddly relaxing. In summer they were cool and in winter they were a welcome warmth. 

All that has changed. I now judge a train by its direct connection, elevator accessibility, and number of stops. I now see the wooden benches as bed bug collectors and poles as grease magnets. I can see danger in every corner of the platform. I am aware of every rodent and insect. A 15 minute trip feels like hours. All this because I have a beautiful little child who thinks poles are for dancing, seats are for licking, and platforms are super cool to look down over and spot rats. 

So when I needed to take the train this past weekend and the trains were running on their Holiday/Weekend/Summer schedule I decided to wait it out on the Union Square platform where the artist, Tom Otterness has designed several sculptures of "the man at work". Isa and I explored all the sculptures along the platform, and the photo above was definitely a favorite for her. His work can also be viewed in Battery Park which Isa also has explored and climbed upon. 

I still can't quite relax on a subway anymore, but at least motherhood has forced me to explore things I may not have in the past. 

A New Path

According to my lovely psychic, Dante, I am suppose to meet my future husband this coming July. As I have touched on in the past, I am very much a believer of psychic energy and the mysteries of the universe, however I also tend not to put all my eggs in the basket. I think astrology charts (Susan Miller is a great one) and psychics (The good not the street cart variety) can be helpful. IF (BIG IF) you use it correctly. I go to psychics and other healers when I am truly in a fog. I feel my life is overwhelmed or my own energy channels are out of touch. I use it as a method of re-direction. A check to see if I am on the right path or as a way to bring a bit of light into my fog. After my breakup I used it to give me hope. I needed to know my child would be safe and that I was making the right decisions. Mainly I use it when I feel I need to, and I go to someone I trust. I think we all have the capability to be intuitive or psychically aware people, but some can see it clearer. I have this intuition for others but not as much for myself. I think it is also a trust issue (God knows I suffer from that).

So long story short, July is the month I am destined to meet my soul mate (I say this half joking). Supposedly he will just appear when the time is right. Which is funny because I always say that the man of my dreams will have to drop down from the sky and carry me off because I am so unaware when someone is actually interested in me. He will also have to be quite determined because I am currently in a place of not really needing or wanting a relationship. I have not been hiding, just haven't really been interested. My priorities are different with Isa. I think also being a single Mom, because of an enormously draining breakup, has placed me in this odd holding area. I do not yet know if I want to be in a relationship. I don't really have the desire for it. The thought of sharing and compromising and thinking always of yet another person is just not appealing. So we'll see. I am open minded but there is a huge monster of doubt giving the evil eye over my shoulder to this mystery apparition lingering before me. time will tell I suppose.

What I have been doing these past few months is finding girl friends and re-connecting with my old ways. Prior to serious boyfriends and grown-up life I was a freer spirit and an artist. I actually created art because I loved it and had a passion for it. Not thinking necessary just pure delight. I read every book visited every museum and gallery. I also listened to a lot of loud freeing girl band music. In my mind I am sure I am overly glamorizing these times, but I think they truly inspired me and made me a freer spirit than ever before and possibly ever after. A lot of this is credit to Liz. She is the one who introduced me to feminism through music. From there I began a quest for female writers and also artists. In art history class I often went beyond the syllabus to seek out the 1 or 2 women that made a name for themselves during such male dominated periods in history. I began to make lists of these women- it was a challenge but it was possible. 

I was never an active feminist or activist really. I think I had the drive in me but never truly the courage. After the post I wrote on Isa's princess I think I was re-inspired by my memories of this time in my own history. What happened to change my path. I've been listening to a lot of Hole these days while competing with my neighbors on the treadmill. Once again, say what you will, but Courtney Love has some strong empowering music. I am beginning to follow a path I left behind. The one that feels most natural to me. I think activism is truly about giving a voice to those things or people that can not always do it alone or who are not listened to. I am working toward bringing a voice to the issues that mean the most to me. It is not a coincidence that I was blessed with a strong independent girl in Isa. I am choosing to continue my fight for women's rights and once again give a voice to women's issues. I don't think it is an old fight just perhaps a forgotten one. 

The Week's Events

The past few weeks have kept me busy in a way that I am not comfortable with. I have been working a lot more. Which is good. Really really good....for my wallet and my bills and the roof over our head. But is bad for my mental well-being. I walk a fine line between wanting to be busy and seen in the spotlight and wanting to hide and sit in a dark room with my work. I have chosen a path of helping people and that means I am often surrounded by people. I love it for many reasons, but I also know that I need a lot of alone time to feel balanced. I am still working on finding that meeting place-it is always a process.

I have also been blessed with a few opportunities that have helped to open my eyes to more paths in my future. I taught a class at the Lululemon Athletica store in SOHO this past Wednesday. I just need to say here how much I love them. Yes. There clothes seem to be a bit expensive to run to the gym in, but I need to also state that these clothes last and are comfortable and sexy. They fit so well there is a reason the price is higher than your average retail store. That is not why I love them though. I love them because of their continued community outreach and support. Lululemon athletic stores have free classes in their stores when the store is closed. They try to highlight area studios and trainers. While highlighting these they also become a place of networking and support for both trainers and clients. It is like a fitness library in there. And yet again they are awesome at entertaining my incredibly active toddler. 

This event also coincided nicely with my blog posting for Citibabes. In New York City there are several indoor play areas because when the weather is not perfect we need a space to take our children to run that will allow them freedom and allow us sanity. Citibabes was one of the first to fill the need and has since expanded to include classes, workshops, and preschool. They have recently launched a blog about everything a family needs to know. Read my contribution on using art with your child. 

I also had the pleasure to attend the book opening party for my dear friend Francesco Clark. The party was full of whose who in fashion and of course I had anxiety dreams over what to wear. I chose something simple and not black (I hate wearing black on black) that of course matched my new shoes. Francesco reminds me constantly of the resiliency people have. Each day he finds strength to go further than the day before, and he is surpassing his goals. He calls me his therapist, but I think it is fairly safe to say he is often mine. 

It's in the Genes

And so it begins. I wonder if Betty Davis knew what she was doing when she overemphasized her trademark looks.

Before there was Madonna there was Blondie! Fierce but not fragile.

Say what you want about her personal life and style, but admittedly Courtney Love did a lot for us Girls through her music, her words, and her presence (and I still have her in my i-pod mix).

 Ahhh Glamorous Theo who is not afraid to take risks and be messy even when they look (and are) a supermodel

The Lunachicks- again Theo rocks! Also the first girl band that made an impression on me. So beautiful and yet so BadAss!

This Princess is brought to you by my talented Isa with no help from me. It was her own true and individual expression. I am adamant in saying that because you may feel she was influenced by my own historical inspirations.

Do You Want to be my New Best Friend

I am probably going to be shot for saying this, or at least stampeded by millions of stilletoed heels, but I am not a huge fan of these Sex and The City movies. Yes, I watched the TV show and found it entertaining but I am not running to Magnolia or waiting hours on line for the movie. I do need to admit that the show brought to life the truth that girls need girlfriends. We just do. It helps us to exist and be better people. So I do love the show for that. 

As I have touched on before friendship is a tricky thing in a girl's life. I don't know if men have the same need as us females, but like it or not we need to have female companionship in our life. The tricky thing is finding someone we can trust and laugh with that is, let's be honest, like us. I think we all look for mirrors of our self only in friends we want to look like the better version of the self we perceive us to be. Well, at least I do. I tend to collect people that inspire me and who make me reach higher.

In childhood this is easier to do. We tend to befriend those girls that are somehow within the same vicinity as us. In most cases a class or school is involved. As we get older some of these relationships continue and some fall to the side. Of course as we grow even older it becomes increasingly more difficult to maintain relationships and girlfriends. It is nearly impossible to make new friends and takes effort. And sometimes we think maybe the effort is just not worth it. Our life takes over, our routine settles, or personal need for female conversations and fun is pushed deep inside and sadly can disappear.

NYC, while amazing and wonderful, can be a big lonely pit especially for a girl in need of friends. People here change and move more than anywhere else. It is common to move jobs and apartments multiple times in a year. Sometimes I am envious of my childhood girlfriends who continue to reside in my hometown and still see each other regularly. I made it a goal this year to make an active effort to create new friendships while also maintaining the few relationships I still have. I can't say I have been amazing at this. Most of the time I am exhausted or feeling guilty for leaving Isa to go out again in the evening, but I have made the effort.

So the best friends I have made in my past have been unexpected. I did not like my best friend in high school when I first met her. I think it was a random event during gym class that changed my mind. She mentioned going to Belgium for the summer. I asked how she was going because I thought it was a great idea. She said it was an exchange program. I immediately signed up and we flew together to Paris at 16, went our separate ways and returned together a few months later speaking fluent French (which I have long since forgotten) and became best friends for years to come. My friend Liz I met through a college friend. She did not go to my school but would visit a lot and we bonded immediately (so much so that our mutual friend disappeared). My friend Liza, I noticed my first day at Pratt. I remember thinking in my head, "She bugs me, but I know we will be friends." It took nearly a year but eventually it happened and she is one of the few people I maintained contact with after school ended. My neighbor and I probably would never have noticed each other if we were not both pregnant at the time. We had our children 3 days apart and they are now the best of friends. So my latest friend is Kate. We met at Easter, during an egg hunt that we both made the effort to bring our children to. It was a brief encounter but we made a huge effort to meet again later. The planning it takes to bring 2 Moms together could solve national conflicts and we deserve a reward for our efforts. It was a needed and inspiring night and proves that, "Yes.", Moms in their 30's can still find like minded and cool women to befriend (stay tuned for more blogging about amazing talented Kate).

Fabric and stitches

Today, like many days, I was reading Liz's blog (OK, Elizabeth but I just can't bring myself to say it). I saw this dress and it made me laugh. She was writing about the importance Vintage dresses played in her life, and I think most of us who came of age in the 80's and 90's can relate. Liz and the friend who introduced us (who we both are sadly out of touch with) opened my eyes to the beauty of vintage clothing. 

I think growing up in the country with the only vintage shops being in Albany (mainly specializing in men's coats and the unfortunate clothing of those who had passed) held me back from the true beauty of vintage. There was one store in the middle of nowhere called "The Purple Barn" that my sister an I discovered a few years later. I loved that place because it was so random and odd and true to its name-it was purple (and pink). I think for myself, the adventure was in the finding and not always in the dress. Liz had a better eye for fashion and appreciation, which I guess is why she went into fashion. Unlike Liz, I do not have many of those dresses left but I still remember my favorites. Like the above dress, they never looked like much to others, but to me they were precious. 

Some of my favorite adventures began with riding with Liz and our mutual friend A. to many a store we had heard about. We almost always climbed into the front seat of A's plum colored vintage taxi cab. It was humongous. She let me drive it once. I hit a post trying to get it out of the parking spot (maybe that is why she doesn't talk to me anymore) she never let me drive it again. That car was true vintage excitement. We drove it to every diner in and around the Hudson Valley. Our favorite being the one with the Pez collection (I like to remember this with rhinestones, but I think it was a simple Pez collection). 

We also used the cab to pick up drunk college students at Bard during our days there. It was a large campus and the distance while intoxicated could cause some poor kids to unwillingly camp in the woods. We took this cab to Queens where there was supposedly an amazing Salvation Army (it wasn't so great). Then we went to Domsey's (before it was full of fashionable kids). 

During my early years in NYC, the East Village was full of amazing little vintage shops. Most have since closed and been replaced by newer vintage places like Ina that have done the picking through for you. One of my best vintage memories was when Julie from the Metropolitan Museum gave me her old dresses. She was an older woman that we worked with at the Met. Like many of the people there, she use to be an actress. I think at the time she was still acting a bit but had also been teaching and mainly she had chosen to work at the Met. She had to leave her apartment in Brooklyn Heights for a smaller apartment in Hell's Kitchen. She gave me bags of dresses. I like to imagine that she wore many of them during her after performance parties. There was a navy blue one with the most amazing applique flowers on it. That one is still my favorite. 

So, as for the dress hanging above, "Yes, Liz", S. has every reason to make fun of you because I can see how it looks like a homeless person would wear it, however there is something so magical about it. It is the same dress I was thinking of a few days ago. It is so simple and comfortable and for some reason makes you feel glamorous. Hard to believe looking at it. Maybe you are right and it is the sentimental aspect, but that dress must have been owned by someone with an amazing history because we all cherished it. I can't believe you still have it. While I wish it were in my closet I think it is more fitting and best that it be with you. I probably would have tossed it by now, but it is precious, AND Yes I think it did originate in A's closet and I "stole" it. 

Ahh to be 19 and not care at all for the looks and thoughts running through peoples minds, but boy could those clothes talk.