A New Path

According to my lovely psychic, Dante, I am suppose to meet my future husband this coming July. As I have touched on in the past, I am very much a believer of psychic energy and the mysteries of the universe, however I also tend not to put all my eggs in the basket. I think astrology charts (Susan Miller is a great one) and psychics (The good not the street cart variety) can be helpful. IF (BIG IF) you use it correctly. I go to psychics and other healers when I am truly in a fog. I feel my life is overwhelmed or my own energy channels are out of touch. I use it as a method of re-direction. A check to see if I am on the right path or as a way to bring a bit of light into my fog. After my breakup I used it to give me hope. I needed to know my child would be safe and that I was making the right decisions. Mainly I use it when I feel I need to, and I go to someone I trust. I think we all have the capability to be intuitive or psychically aware people, but some can see it clearer. I have this intuition for others but not as much for myself. I think it is also a trust issue (God knows I suffer from that).

So long story short, July is the month I am destined to meet my soul mate (I say this half joking). Supposedly he will just appear when the time is right. Which is funny because I always say that the man of my dreams will have to drop down from the sky and carry me off because I am so unaware when someone is actually interested in me. He will also have to be quite determined because I am currently in a place of not really needing or wanting a relationship. I have not been hiding, just haven't really been interested. My priorities are different with Isa. I think also being a single Mom, because of an enormously draining breakup, has placed me in this odd holding area. I do not yet know if I want to be in a relationship. I don't really have the desire for it. The thought of sharing and compromising and thinking always of yet another person is just not appealing. So we'll see. I am open minded but there is a huge monster of doubt giving the evil eye over my shoulder to this mystery apparition lingering before me. time will tell I suppose.

What I have been doing these past few months is finding girl friends and re-connecting with my old ways. Prior to serious boyfriends and grown-up life I was a freer spirit and an artist. I actually created art because I loved it and had a passion for it. Not thinking necessary just pure delight. I read every book visited every museum and gallery. I also listened to a lot of loud freeing girl band music. In my mind I am sure I am overly glamorizing these times, but I think they truly inspired me and made me a freer spirit than ever before and possibly ever after. A lot of this is credit to Liz. She is the one who introduced me to feminism through music. From there I began a quest for female writers and also artists. In art history class I often went beyond the syllabus to seek out the 1 or 2 women that made a name for themselves during such male dominated periods in history. I began to make lists of these women- it was a challenge but it was possible. 

I was never an active feminist or activist really. I think I had the drive in me but never truly the courage. After the post I wrote on Isa's princess I think I was re-inspired by my memories of this time in my own history. What happened to change my path. I've been listening to a lot of Hole these days while competing with my neighbors on the treadmill. Once again, say what you will, but Courtney Love has some strong empowering music. I am beginning to follow a path I left behind. The one that feels most natural to me. I think activism is truly about giving a voice to those things or people that can not always do it alone or who are not listened to. I am working toward bringing a voice to the issues that mean the most to me. It is not a coincidence that I was blessed with a strong independent girl in Isa. I am choosing to continue my fight for women's rights and once again give a voice to women's issues. I don't think it is an old fight just perhaps a forgotten one.