Summer Nights

I miss this. Late night writing with the window open and a cool breeze coming in. The sound of music coming from my computer (love love Pandora). It is difficult for me to have these late evenings with my work schedule and a child who gets up at 5am most days, and it is something I miss. I have always done my best thinking and found my quiet peace late at night or early in the morning when everyone else is away or asleep and it is just for me. Quiet. I LOVE quiet and being alone. Not in an agoraphobic way or an I hate people way. Just in a quiet peaceful reflective way. It is when I paint and when I write and when I become inspired. I could blame it on college but I think it started way before that. I remember when I was 4 or 5 one night staying up past my parents. Now, I know I had a bedtime and my parents were pretty strict so I have no idea why this particular evening they allowed me to stay up past them but I did. And I remember that it was because I was working on a drawing of a flower and just needed to finish before going to bed (so "Yes" the neurotic artist in me already began long ago). In High School I often began painting late at night and remained there into early hours. I had the best set up. My room was huge and empty and I could open the windows and hear distant cars but mostly just night sounds. It was so calm. I didn't have to think about anyone or anything. During the day it is all business and responsibilities, but at night I can be myself and do my thing. It took me a while to find myself back here, in this place of being alone and completely calm. I don't feel free so much because the responsibilities remain, but for now they are in the distance and I can pretend that the farm air is outside.