Growing up sometimes means forgiveness and letting go - especially when we can't remember the grudge we were holding on to in the first place. I do remember "the grudge"of course- it had to do with my EX (big surprise I know). OF COURSE IT DID! The shame in that is punishment enough. It is still difficult at this point in time to imagine there was a moment when I put him above everything else. I guess that is what love does to us- that and being a co-dependent person (which by the way I am still figuring out specifics on -entirely different topic.) I could write books on what I gave up for me EX and the stupidity and embarrassment it caused, but this entire blog is about discovery and moving on so on we go.
I was lucky enough to be given a second chance with my dear friend. We are older now and yet it felt pretty close to where we were before she moved. Pretty close to sitting around getting ready to go out on some adventure about town. Now I'm sure you would love to be in the loop on those nights about town but for now those are secrets kept buried in my chest. They were all full of carefree 20 year old friends who loved each other more than their own self and often their own family. They were nights full of fun and love and more warmth than a summer evening in Italy. They formed me into the person I am today.
What I discovered this weekend is that it is so much better to reach out and move on. Get over "the grudge" rediscover a friend. There are so many damn rules we live by in life with people these days- sometimes we just need to let rules go, let stubbornness fall, and reach out- RISK!
When I was younger I often heard of my mother's best friend from high school. The two were supposedly unsepparable, and yet I never met her. I thought this was sad. I, myself, lived for my grlfriends in school and could not imagine ever being without them. I realize now how sad it must have been for my mother. I do not know the circumstances in her not being in touch with her friend, but I do know now how lonely life can get. I think having a child is amazing, but being a single mom is lonely. My mom was not single, but she may as well have been (again- completely different story for another time). I think as we age it is difficult to make time for friends in the same way we once did. Life takes over and we need to often make choices which include marriages, children, and moves.
I long for those days when my nights were spent lying around and laughing all night with my closest friends. There are times when my heart aches for those days, and yet I can't say I would trade in what I have now for it. It was so amazing to have a taste of it again though. Some people never experience that kind of deep friendship and I nearly threw it away. I am lucky to have had it at all. Some people are blessed with true love and amazing relationships- I was blessed with true friendship. Sometimes we get both. I'm still hopeful on that, but for now I am so blessed to be reminded that there was a time when I had a friend who was thicker than blood and truer than true where words needed not be spoken and the space in between could be as distant as an ocean but would never be felt.
Heart opening on roller
- Using a large foam roller, carefully lie down so that each vertebrae match the roller, feet flat to floor, knees bent
- Lift arms to ceiling, keep ribs and spine to roller
- Turn palms to each other and then let arms pull away until they are straight out to side walls like a "T"
- Bend elbows so that palms face ceiling
- Stay here and let pecs stretch and open
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