This Thanksgiving I chose to stay in New York City instead of traveling to my parents house upstate. A few reasons for it- financial and time restraints of course- but also I just can not find patience to travel with a toddler during peak hours. I realize much more now that my destinations are closer to home because traveling with Isa is so nerve wracking and I'll be honest- annoying. I have also discovered that other travelers are not so compassionate to those of us who bring children with us. So this year instead of dealing with the anxiety of it all I opted to remain home.
I planned a morning with just Isa and I, and then agreed to have a lunch with Isa's father. Isa and I woke up at our normal 5am time (yes that's right 5am-don't get me started on that one). She is not a morning person at all, but still wakes up at 5am. The first thing she usually does is scream for strawberry milk like she is being tortured. Then she climbs back into bed and asks for Dora. As much as I hate it I always give in because it allows me time to get ready and pack our bags for the day.
This morning I think she would have been just as happy to stay in bed watching Dora, but instead I dragged her to the parade. I have never been and I thought she would love it. I don't think she loved it so much. We got there at 6:30am and were met with an already thick wall of people. I found a spot that seemed the safest option among what was left on 70th and Central Park West, and plopped Isa down with her stickers, coloring books, and crayons. We then began our "sit in" until the parade began at 9am. Somewhere between 8 and 8:30 donuts and cookies began to be shared amongst the crowd and Isa had the children's version of a caffeine wake up call. She was wired for the next 1/2 hour.
Then of course the parade was about to begin and she decided she had enough and wanted to go home. If any of you have been to the parade before you know this is just not possible- basically you are trapped until Santa arrives. So I tried to keep her entertained on top of trying to get her excited about the balloons flying above her head. It seemed like forever before Santa arrived. I am glad we went but I don't think it will be a tradition we keep often. I think I did it because I wanted to be a good Mom for ISa- I still have that need to go over and above to make up fo not being there enough physically. I think a lot of Moms share that need, but I need to kep myself in check as to whether I'm doing this for me or her. I may have missed on this one.
When the parade ended we walked through Central Park. It was a warm and clear fay so felt perfect to walk through the park letting Isa be my guide. She seemed to enjoy that more than anything. When we reached the end of the park I put her in my ergo (which I realize she is probably too big for but I LOVE it! still). She quickly fell asleep and I followed the crowd down fifth avenue, which I still love to do during the holiday season. There is something about the lights and windows and YES the crowds that makes me truly thankful for living in this city.
When I worked at the Metropolitan Museum, I often walked home (downtown-about 80 blocks) and during the holidays I would love it. It took forever to go anywhere of course but it was so beautiful that I just didn't care. Walking home from Central Park now often reminds me of that time in my life, and I get so nostalgic for it. I intend to take advantage of this holiday season and walk the same route many times over. If you ever get the chance I highly suggest it. It hurts yes- your legs ache your feet will feel like they may fall off but it is so amazing to do.
I am certain that the meaning of Thanksgiving has changed over the years, but for me it has come to be a time where I can sit back and take a moment to truly appreciate what I have. I also am working hard to find acceptance and forgiveness in others (including my ex). I am so lucky to have so much in my life that brings me happiness. I have struggles and my share of burdens, but underneath it all my foundation is solid and happy. I am at a point in my life where I do not want to create or be a part of drama and chaos, and in doing that I feel the need to let go of those things and people who can create it in me. In order to truly do this I need to completely let go and that means finding forgiveness. It is a difficult thing especially when wounds run deep, but it is an important practice. I do not think forgiveness is about forgetting or saying "it is ok", but I think for me it is about making peace. Finding a new beginning and letting go while truly wishing the other person the best possible life. Freeing myself of intanglement without drama, control, anger, or fear. It is a practice-I'm not there yet and there will be much more on that to come.
No exercise today- today is about rest and thankfulness and food.
Hope you all had and are having a wonderful Thanksgiving day!
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