Things are looking Brighter

I have high hopes for 2010, and so far it hasn't let me down. So many people I'm close with have struggled in 2009 and I am hoping they too can celebrate in 2010- we all deserve some hope and ease. Today I went to see my favorite psychic, Dante (www.tarotbydante.com). I know, I know before any of you start rolling your eyes I must say this is a tradition for me and I am not trying to make anyone a believer or sell you on it at all. I don't need to hear any negative comments because like everything else in this Blog- I write about what works for me and my journey and not necessarily what should be done by others. So after that is all said and done this is why I went. Last year when my life was a mess and my brain couldn't hold much more I was given Dante's name. I thought about it for a while and held onto his card until one day I thought, "Hey what the Hell", and I made an appointment. A bit of back history here. I am completely comfortable with those unexplainable things of the world and many of my relatives have had unexplained psychic events so I am not a complete disbeliever but always a skeptic at first because there are a lot of fakes out there and negative energy people. Dante is not one of them - he works for me. So I arrived at his place that first time scared and tired and nearly broken, and he gave me hope. Not because he promised me happiness but because he processed what I needed and helped me to see the grey areas outside my tunnel vision. He opened my eyes to my life beyond my pain. So a year later I am not in the same place but feel as if I am again stuck in a place where I need my eyes to be opened to the world around me. Today he did not give me information completely different than what I suspected, but I did feel like I am on the right path. So for me my session is about processing and feels like a quick therapy session where the therapist actually can see your future and give you advice. So I am hopeful that finally I am on the right path in life and that gives me hope.

I wrote on Friday that Isabella and I had the perfect day to welcome in the New Year. Unfortunately, yesterday she was sick for most of the day. I had to go to work early and that meant snuggling her up in her warmest clothes and hugging her close so that we could make our way to my brother's apartment. My amazing brother continues to babysit her each morning and Saturday while I work. He wakes up hours before he needs to and makes Isa breakfast and listens to her babble. So I am even more grateful that on mornings when she is vomiting and cranky he still takes care of her for me because I can't afford not to work but also need to know she is safe and comfortable. So yesterday was one of those days. I was suppose to see another client after my morning sessions, but it would mean leaving Isa all afternoon, and she just wanted me to lie down with her. It is always a difficult choice between work and children, but I had to choose Isa on this one. I cancelled my client and spent the day lying next to her watching Cinderella on replay (about 20 times I think). I think I fell in love with my daughter even more.

A remarkable thing happened yesterday as well. While Isa was back home sick I had asked my Ex to come and watch her just in case I needed to go to my client's home. He came and helped by running errands and making soup. He also received a check and gave me enough money that I could actually pay my rent. It was completely unexpected and so necessary. I have been trying over the past few months to have him in Isa's life. He has been so inconsistent, but I am hoping that things do continue as they did yesterday. So with hope and a few eyes looking over my shoulder I will continue to find a way to have him in her life. It is a difficult path to allow space for someone who has hurt you so much, but it is what is best for Isa. She needs a Dad and she needs to know that he loves her.

I realize I complain a lot about my Ex and my life as a single mom, but I also know I am blessed. I have the most amazing daughter and there was a time where I thought I also had the most amazing man. There was a time I remember being pregnant and walking to work feeling like I was the luckiest person in the world. Things happen and people make choices out of our control and we just need to take them as lessons and learn from them. I came across a blog (http://www.mattlogelin.com) by a guy named Matt Logelin on www.mssinglemama.com and he reminded me that sometimes there are single parents out there who were not single by choice and who struggle but sometimes like Matt can see each day as a blessing and need to caring on for his amazing daughter. You may have heard of him before but if not you should check out his blog because he is quite inspiring and it is always hopeful to see that there are good guys out there.

So far this year looks inspiring and hopeful.

Swimming
(because today is really cold in NYC and I am wishing for warmth, and because I feel I am swimming toward a better future)

1. Lie on your stomach with the legs straight and together.

2. Keep your shoulders away from your ears, stretch your arms straight overhead.

3. Pull your abs in so that you lift your navel up away from the floor.

4. Extend your arms and legs so far in opposite directions that they naturally come up off the floor. At the same time, get so much length in your spine that your head moves up off the mat as an extension of the reach of your spine. Keep your face down toward the mat.

5. Continue to reach your arms and legs out very long from your Abdominalsr as you alternate right arm/left leg, then left arm/right leg, pumping them up and down in small pulses.