100 Ramblings

I must admit that it is difficult to write about my life and what may help or be relevant to others. What seems to work best for me is simply writing random ramblings, and hopefully someone out there can make sense of it. I am having such a difficult time motivating and writing today. I tend to get into states of panic and fear a lot and it freezes all my creative and mental abilities. I think I also have so many things to write and at the same time none at all. So instead of a great and captivating rambling of my day I'm going to try something new.

100 Ramblings about me
1. I think too much
2. I analyze everything and everyone (I don't judge I analyze)
3. I hate confrontation and usually give in even when I know I'm right because I hate to fight
4. I hold on to things too long (both emotionally and materialistically)
5. I believe in ghosts and spirits and the unseen around us
6. I use to be afraid of the dark until about 6 months ago
7. I have a lot of friends, but only "let in" a very few
8. I fall in love very easily
9. I am always getting my heart broken
10. I like living in my small apartment because I can see everything that is going on
11. I love and hate living in NYC
12. I panic a lot
13. I am shy (terrifyingly)
14. I miss being a therapist but am afraid to go back to it because I may suck
15. I love my job
16. I love being a Mom
17. I miss my friend Liz
18. I want to be in a relationship but don't want to date
19. I hate wasting time
20. I tend to waste time a lot
21. I think I am inherently lazy
22. I LOVE coffee
23. I would love to be a painter with a bottomless grant so I could paint all day
24. I miss making art
25. I loved working at the Metropolitan Museum (even hough I was mean to all the visitors)
26. I have lots of great shoes but only wear sneakers and boots
27. I don't dress up much although I should
28. I hate the way makeup feels on my face
29. I hate heels and yet own a lot of them
30. I love jogging outside
31. I HATE jogging on the treadmill (but do it when it is cold outside)
32. I HATE the cold!!!!!!
33. I love psychics and witchcraft - it fascinates me
34. I am very intuitive
35. I am so glad I am a girl
36. I hate the camera and being photographed
37. Getting spa treatments and hair cuts make me uncomfortable
38. Being pampered makes me uncomfortable
39. OK I think just people looking at me makes me uncomfortable
40. My daughter loves being looked at - she is such a HAM and hilarious
41. I am a do-er not so much a taker
42. I am really bad at saving money
43. Thinking about how much money I owe in school loans for a degree I don't use keeps me up at night
44. I am still glad I went to Pratt for art therapy
45. I am also extremely proud to have finished my undergraduate degree - it took nearly 10 years
46. I didn't have a home for nearly a year when I was 20
47. That same year I was on the Dean's list at NYU
48. They "suggested" I leave the school because I didn't have enough money
49. I went to Hunter and loved it
50. Kiki Smith is still my favorite artist
51. I don't go to galleries as much as I use to
52. This makes me sad
53. When I paint or create artwork I forget about time and this world
54. Sadly I don't have time for that anymore
55. My Mom's cookies are the best and I just can't stop eating them
56. I hate working out and dieting when I need to
57. I am very stubborn
58. I hold grudges
59. I also forgive more than I should
60. I forgive almost everyone
61. I try to see the good in everyone (sometimes I need to look really hard but it is always there)
62. My neighbors annoy me
63. I love my job
64. I love the people I work with
65. I lived in Rome for 4 months
66. I hated it (and my bosses)
67. I ran away to Naples for the weekend and loved it
68. I quit (was fired) and took a train to Paris with tears streaming down my face as I left my best friend, Liz
69. 4 boys from Naples carried my bags on the train and we partied all the way to Paris in their cabin
70. Happiness returned
71. I love Paris
72. When I was 16 I moved to France for the summer to live with a French family
73. I was too shy to speak French
74. I spoke and read French fluently
75. I can barely understand any other languages now
76. My daughter is in a Mandarin/English preschool
77. She speaks Chinese and I have no clue what she says
78. I think she will be La femme Nikita when she turns 18
79. I have never been to Mexico
80. I have never even been to Florida
81. I love to travel but hate to fly
82. I love road trips
83. My first year of college was a lot about road trips and diners
84. I still love upstate NY (near Bard not so much near Albany)
85. Some day I think I will live in a small town but an artsy small town not one with Walmart
86. I hate that I love Walmart
87. I actually overheard a woman in Walmart tell her 4 year old son "get over here before I kick your Ass"
88. Walmart is very culturally diverse
89. I own a t-shirt from the Miley Cyrus collection
90. I bought it at Walmart
91. I am doing the Artist Way by Julia Cameron again
92. This may be why I am so creatively blocked
93. I put a lot of pressure on myself
94. I once left a therapist because she said I would never be #1 at anything
95. I lied to a lot of therapists and thought if they didn't know I was lying they were not good at their job
96. I love my current therapist (I think she is a little psychic)
97. I think I can be difficult sometimes
98. I want to date again
99. I don't want to get my heart broken ever again
100. This is a very therapeutic thing to do - I highly recommend it.

Reverse Plank (I need something different and yet challenging today)

1. Sit down with legs positioned pointing directly out in front of you.
2. Place your arms behind you with hands palm down on the floor fingers facing Glutes, straighten your arms.
3. Inhale and press up using your arms and lift your hips up towards the ceiling - maintain a straight line from your shoulders to the heels of your feet. Keep head curled and look toward navel.
4. Hold for about either 30 seconds or a minute.
Repeat 4 times.

Challenge with hamstrings
1. Remain in Reverse Plank
2. lower and lift hips to floor quickly while keeping arms engaged and squeezing inner thighs and hamstrings
20 times or more