Resilience

Way back when I was pursuing my Art Therapy career there was some debate about resiliency. Basically why do some people have it and others not - similar to the nurture versus nature debate. I was working with women who had been sexually abused in early childhood, and some of these women had been able to take their histories and use it to help themselves become stronger while others never were able to take that first step toward healing.  So why did these women with similar stories turn out so differently? There have been papers written about this that do more justice to the topic than I could right now, but it fascinates me.

I have this deep interest in why people are they way they are.  How do life stories mold us and change us.  Even how do the literal stories of our youth influence the people we become. (Personally, I was big on Pippy Longstocking and Pollyanna not sure what that says about me). I can tell you that my own story has such a mix of tragedy and good fortune that I think it kept me balanced. I also have a pretty cool family. 

What I think we spoke about the most as a turning point for these girls in childhood is that if even one person believed their story it could make all the difference. That suck with me. I think that it is important to remember that even if we know for a fact that what a person is saying is false; in some circumstances it is important to believe them. By doing this we begin to "see" this person, and they begin to "see" us.  A relationship is born, and a story is told.  Telling a story builds strength and is often a turning point, and to be the person on the other end is the most amazing feeling because you are being trusted with something powerful, vulnerable, and fragile.  To be blessed to hold the story of an other is like nothing else.  It is what happens next that can change everything.  

When the story is told and the secret is out it is what happens in the face of the audience that makes all the difference.  The expression on your face tells them if they are real or not.  If the storyteller feels believed there is usually a sense of validation and knowledge that things will somehow be OK.  This is the beginning step to a path of healing.  I think this is the crossroads to resilience.  The seed of strength is planted here.  

Think to your own stories and when you had a secret or something you felt shame about and released it by sharing with a trusted soul.  This has happened to me several times in my life. To have someone else listen to my story and cry, tell me I'm not crazy, or that my feelings are exactly as they should be made all the difference.  

I think all this deep thought came from my day at the Ali Forney clinic.  I sat in on a group and most of the kids were outspoken and hilarious, but there was one who was so deep within himself I hurt for him. I wanted so bad to pull him aside, take him in, have him trust me to hold his story, but he had his strongest armor on today.  The more I tried to be open to him the deeper he climbed inside his cave.  I know as a therapist it also is not good to allow someone to open up to you if they do not have a support system when you leave.  These kids go back to the streets often to prostitution or drugs and need their protection. So how do you help build resilience and strength without opening up to much?

This is where my Pilates analogy always fits.  I take on this issue much the same way I take on Pilates with injured clients. You can't take something away without building something else in return. If someone is extremely tight and I stretch and release those muscles completely the pain will travel to the next closest place. In therapy, if a client opens up too much without the support it actually becomes a step backward and can be detrimental or at times dangerous.  It's a process for a reason.  In today's world we are so into quick fixes and instant gratification, but with the body and mind we need to let things happen in time. Build and tear away. Similar to working in clay -that is how I work on the body and mind with another person. A perfect art therapy project right here would be to work together on building a sculpture - it is a relational process but will be destroyed if done too quickly.

Neck Stretch

props: theraband

• Tie a theraband to a door know so that it is doubled 
  
• Hold the other end with right hand and step far enough away that you feel some tension
  
• Pull abs in and stand straight, let head drop to left shoulder (ear to shoulder), draw right shoulder blade down rib cage for more of a stretch
  
• Turn head slightly down, hold 
  
• Turn head slightly up, hold
  

Repeat on other side