Transitioning

I know. I know. I have been a very sucky Blogger these days, but in all fairness to myself I have begun several entries but none seemed to fit.

I am in transition. Both in Blogger World (still trying out new formats) and in life.

I also think that when the weather is so unpredictable it makes me a bit crazy. I NEED to have the freedom of jogging outside to keep me in a mentally balanced place. I tried the treadmill and DVDs but it just isn't the same. For me it isn't an exercise- it is an escape. I feel free- I feel like my true self when I am able to jog outside along the Hudson. It is true escape and that is what I often need.

Perhaps it is growing up. Perhaps it is being a mom (and a single one at that). Perhaps it is simply living in a large city where there is always someone who needs or wants part of me or my time. Whatever it is, jogging along the Hudson with the smell of salt air and a view larger than myself allows me the sense of freedom. I need that freedom. Over the past week I have been lucky enough to run outside, and regardless of the snow, I intend to run today as well.

I am struggling with this sense of freedom as well as a sense of transition. I'm not completely certain and secure with my future. I know from conversations with others that there is this sense all over, which is why I am also posting it here in the Blog. What I have discovered is - I am a very impatient person. I preach and believe that process is nearly more important than result, and yet I need to know the ending. It is difficult to go through the hard stuff even if there are lessons within it that we need to learn to aid us on our journey. The truth and the process is healing but unfortunately does not take away the pain. So how do we accept the truth and move on when it is not the ending we had pictured for ourselves or want for our life.

These are things I hate to hear but I know are true.
"Leave it up to the Universe".
"You are only responsible for yourself, and cannot change anyone else". (This is the hardest of all because life would be so easy if we could make people see it our way)
"Things happen for a reason".

All these are true and yet when I, and others I know, are going through difficult times it is so hard to believe and practice these sayings. I know in my heart it is true. I believe completely in The Universe and in things following the right path. So the practice of patience. I think as children it is so easy to see and to express. A child builds up energy when they can't wait-either through excitement or frustration. We see it building and we see it exploding. As we age we need to control more this impatience, and yet it builds all the same. So what do we do with this energy. I think for some it becomes depression, or anger, or motivation. For me it becomes a need to escape-to run but also to hide.

When I feel this anxious over life in general and get stressed I feel the need to eat breakfast foods all day with lots and lots of coffee. I can easily give the Gilmore's a run for their money on the amount of coffee I can consume-especially when I am anxious. Like I said - this is not what I preach to others, and not what I am giving in to (well, not completely anyway).

So like all of you who are going through transition and who wish you could change someone or something, I too am there. It is a difficult place to be, and yet we need to sit in it. this uncomfortable tension. In order to find our inner peace and inner strength we need to trust in life and let it be.

Pilates Push-Up
1. Begin standing. Slide your shoulders down as your bring your arms straight up over your head.
2. Curl down. As you roll down, pull your abs in and curl your spine one vertebrae at a time until your hands reach the mat. If you need, bend your knees to get your hands to the mat.
3. Walk your hands out on the mat until you are in plank. Keep your pelvis very stable as you walk your arms out. Hands directly under your shoulders, your legs straight, and your body in one long line from your heels to your ears.
4.Hold your plank position. Your legs and arms should be straight. Your heels, hips, shoulders, and ears should be in one line.
Rotate your arms are so that the inside of the elbow faces forward.
5.Walk your hands back to your deep curve position. You are using your abdominals to deeply pull in and move toward rolling up.
6.Use your abdominals to slowly return the pelvis to the upright position and allow the rest of the spine to roll up, vertebrae by vertebrae.
End in a standing position.

repeat 5 times.