Role Play

Today I spent the day with my favorite person. That would be Isa of course. I asked if she wanted to stay home and help me or go to school. I think I would have been shocked and insulted if she chose school. She was so amazing all day, and I realize she is a truly hilarious child. She had me laughing all day over the stupidest things. I have heard before that having children keeps us humble. I always assumed this meant because we give up on having privacy and looks and need to deal with embarrassing moments all the time. I think it also refers to the true awe of watching our children become their own person. It reminds me that I need to enjoy the smaller things in life more.

Like I spoke of last time, I am in transition. I'm not sure yet what that truly means, but I am seeking something. Yes, it is difficult to go in search of the unknown, but really isn't that what life is about? So I am in search f my truer self. A funny thing happened to me when I entered a relationship - I lost myself. I have a tendency to do that, which again would be part of the fear of dating. I just need to make sure I have a clear grip on who I am before trying to share myself with an other person.

I remember at Pratt (or maybe in Jean's supervision group after Pratt) we asked to think about the roles we hold. How do we see ourselves throughout the day. It is an interesting exercise to see how many different roles you have and how differently we may act in each of them. I think I am closest to my true self these days because the roles I play are similar. I don't feel like I am acting so much in any of them. I am Mother, Teacher, Friend, Sister, Daughter, and Student. There was a time when I think I held many more roles than that, and I acted very differently in each. I felt a bit like Sybil, which could be why I was and am so fascinated by Multiple Personality Disorder (for another time).

I guess the only place at the moment I am not my true self is when I am with my Ex. I think I still need to have the boundaries and wall firmly planted there. I think if I could describe it in a picture it would be me and Isa surrounded by a large, tall, metal circle (similar to that of Richard Serra's work...with the exception of the piece that fell and killed someone). I am practicing forgiveness or at least tolerance, but it is so so difficult. How to tolerate or forgive when my memories are so clear and still so ingrained in my body. It is a process, and I think that it is amazing to me that he is the only person right now that does not see the true me. Sad really.

Something to think about on this cold winter snow-day. What role do you play? How many characters do you play in a day?

Boomerang

1. Sit on your mat with your legs extended in front of you cross left leg over right. Keep your spine long and straight. Your hands should be pressing into the mat by your side.
2. Engage your abdominals (navel to spine) lean forward and extend your arms behind you.
3. Move your arms forward as you lower down to the mat one vertebrae at a time with your arms by your side. Engage your abdominals and move into the roll over, bringing your flexed feet to the floor behind your head. Cross right leg over left.
4. Roll legs down to 45 degree angle and at the same time roll torso up, arms in front of shoulders creating a teaser. Your head and shoulders should be lifted off the mat and your arms should extend in front of you.
5. Hold while arms reach behind back, hands clasped together and stretch them away from back. Hold arms up while lowering legs to floor and chest lowering towards legs as well.
6.Now let go of hands behind back gently and reach around toward feet. Roll back to the sitting beginning position.

Repeat all 3-5 times.