Hope

Hope. I have been thinking a lot about this the past few days. Also strength. Transformation. Courage. All words I use daily when describing single mothers. I have recently had the amazing fortune to find several like minded single moms, and I feel better already for knowing them. I am reminded of when I worked in a shelter for domestic violence. The impact of the work I was doing at the time didn't fully hit me until I had a child of my own and even more so when I became a single mom. Now I think of that time always. I think I would approach it differently now. The fear and devastation and the choices that these women made. I understand now more so the millions of questions and doubts in their head. Yet, what I also see clearer now is that even in those moments of pure desperation, rage, and devastation there is so much strength, courage, and hope that is radiating out of these women. While there is fear and panic there is hope. And hope is stronger than anything else we have. Hope can bring new life. Hope can cure. Hope can keep us safe. It is transformational. 

A week ago I found out that one of my favorite blogs Ms Single Mama was writing her last post. I actually felt a great sense of loss because I had only discovered it a few months ago, and still needed the support and lessons I learned from it. It is an amazing source of information for single moms and in my darkest hours Alaina has held my hand and given me hope. I am not yet at a point where I can let go and walk on my own in this scary world. I may seem like a leader who knows what she is doing, but to be honest half the time (ok most of the time) I make it up as I go. I seem to know how to take care of myself and carry though, but inside I am screaming and shivering with fear because I have no clue what I am doing. Alaina is ahead of me in the single mom game so she has the older sister experience I need and gravitate toward. I am relieved to say that tonight I read her blog again and she has decided to stay, and I feel a bit calmer. Her entry was about hope and moving to a new apartment with a 17 month old son and starting again. That was when she began the blog and now starting again in a new way and a new direction. 

I remember that same time when I finally had my apartment to myself and the locks were changed. The first thing I did was redecorate and make it my own. It felt weird. I felt I was going to get in trouble, and yet free because I remembered I had no one to answer to or consult with. I was scared, clueless, but hopeful. I need to constantly remind myself of this because it isn't always easy being so responsible. Having to say "No" so often. Having to organize down to the second weeks in advance in order to take a class I may want to take. Being alone so much. Always always always worrying about money. And yet, I am always reminded that there is hope. It is there in the eyes of the other single moms I meet, and it is there in the eyes of my child. She is a free spirit and she is fearless. If I had stayed in my past relationship I don't know if she would have these qualities. Children mirror their parents. I am proud the reflection she sees is of strength and not fear. She gives me hope. 

Breaststroke

1. Lie face down with hands palm down near shoulders and elbows resting on mat. Legs straight with tops of feet pressing into mat.

2. Inhale, reach arms over head, exhale circle arms around to thighs while extending chest off mat. Inhale bring arms forward again and exhale circle them around and extend.

repeat 6 times

1.