This past week was a difficult one for my schedule. As a Pilates instructor I can not always fit my clients into my ideal time slots, and must at times work nights or weekends. This unfortunately was the case last week. Isa is finally in the routine of her daycare, and seems excited by it on most days. On Friday, I had to leave her there until 5pm instead of my usual 3pm and she broke down when I walked in the door. As I held her in our carrier walking down the street she had her arms around me in sobs saying "I miss you Mommy". Of course, it broke my heart. The guilt struck me even more deeply because I knew I needed to go back to work. It is the most difficult thing to know your child needs you, but to also know you need to leave them. This is the biggest challenge I face, and takes a tremendous amount of balance and heartbreak on my part. It is a fact that I need to support us both financially, but I also want to raise her a certain way -meaning be there as much as she needs me to. I had promised I would not work when she was not in school, but with the economy being what it is I need to work during those hours I should be with her.
I work daily on forgiving myself for sacrificing my precious time with Isa. Forgiveness is a difficult thing. I tend to forgive others easily... sometimes too easily. But forgiveness of myself is an entirely different thing. I guess it comes with being slightly a Type A personality, and partly from guilt of being the only stable parent in my child's life. In my head I know there is no other way but what I am doing right now for my child, and yet it goes against my natural instincts as a mother to be away from her so much.
And so today I am breaking the rules a bit and teaching my child a lesson she will surely excel at later in life .... how to play hooky from school. We are going to Central Park to spend the entire day dancing through leaves and walking aimlessly. Life is what it is and has its challenges so in order to adapt it to the life we want sometimes we need to break the rules.
Swan Dive
- Lie face down, resting forehead on the floor or small pillow or towel for added neck support, arms to side palm down, thighs squeeze together tops of toes to mat
- inhale, lengthen through spine and slide shoulder blades down back
- exhale, engage abdominals and pelvic floor muscles pulling belly button off mat
- inhale, peel upper body off the floor (continue to look down so as not to pull from neck), keep abdominals engage to support back, continue to slide shoulder blades down the back
- exhale, lower upper body to the floor, continue to engage abdominals
repeat 8-10 times
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