Holding Tight

If you follow Susan Miller's horoscope like I do you know this is not suppose to be an easy month. Fortunately for me my reading didn't seem to be so daunting, but she did say to wait things out and that it would be a difficult month.  Well, so far it is proving to be a challenge, but not anything too catastrophic.  So far I have come down with the flu and had to miss the wedding dinner of close friends of mine, lost every key and library card I had, and my clients all seem to have dwindled off the schedule making bill paying loads of fun.  I am trying not to do anything drastic like give up move to the country and get an office job, but there is definitely a part of me wondering what I am doing here. 

I know people who live outside NYC think most of us are crazy for being here, but in many ways it is easier here.  This is where I spent most of my growing up years and went through most of my major life changes- I can't at this time imagine being anywhere else.  I know this city too well to leave now.  But, it does get increasingly difficult to remain in a city that is increasingly more expensive - especially when my own finances are beginning to decrease.  

This of courses raises the ultimate Mom struggle - work.  Do I work more and see my daughter less so we have extra money or do I continue to drive myself crazy hoping to pull it together at the last second so we can survive and be able to spend more time with her.  It is a battle I go over in my mind daily.  I miss being able to raise my child.  I never wanted to be a full time working mother- I wanted to be home with her as much as she could take it. I'm crafty for God's sake I'm suppose to be the ultimate crafty mom who makes sandwiches in funny shapes and takes my child into the woods to look for sticks and rocks.  

I know I don't get that choice now as a single mom, but I was hoping to have her at least part of the day.  I think I may have to face the reality that it just may not be possible and I need to get another job.  The other struggle of course, is how to remain balanced.  How to give to our kids and give to ourselves.  How to be an individual without being selfish.  I am still working on this one.  I give out a lot and am trying to give some of that in my own direction, but it doesn't always work that way.  It just doesn't feel always to be right.  

So September,  a time of transition, but I think also a time to take a deep breath and hold tight. 

Chest Expansion (on the reformer)

1 medium or 1 heavy spring

• Knees against the shoulder rest, feet relaxed, hands holding straps
  
• Find length through spine, look straight ahead, zip up abs from pubic bone
  
• Inhale, on exhale pull straps past thighs while keeping body still
  
• Look right, look left (while holding straps past thighs)
  
• Slowly with control bring straps to front
  
• repeat 4 times each time growing taller