Thursday, August 27, 2009

Independence

Wow.  I have been very bad about blogging.  I think once is dawned on me that people are actually reading this I had a bit of a freak out, but now I've gotten over it.  So here I am back at the screen.  

It has been a stressful week.  Isabella is beginning preschool/daycare on Tuesday and it is making me panic.  Of course she has been with numerous babysitters so for her this is a better alternative, and what she needs, but it still makes me miss her and panic.  She is at this lovely stage of pure sweetness.  She is so gentle and caring now and beginning to form relationships- it is the most amazing thing to watch.  Of course amazingly difficult not to be a part of that all day, but we both need to grow and deal with our separation issues.  I need the time to work more and get back involved in my own things.  We need to begin to move in more parallel lives than intertwined worlds.  It is sad and scary but also necessary and healthy. 

The thing about being a single mom is the battle between working and not working is taken away - most of us have no choice and need to work.  I am lucky to have a flexible job that allows me to see her for the better part of the day, and in honesty I need a life of my own. Mainly I need to rediscover my own independence.  The thing about children is that it is so easy to become wrapped up in them.  As a single mother it is even easier.  Time slips away, and little of what should be done is accomplished.  So with free time and a set schedule I feel lost.  I thought I would feel free, but I feel lost.  I have put so much on hold for the past two years that it is overwhelming to find the right place to begin.  I can now clean my house, take a shower, do laundry, or be selfish and go to a movie or lunch with a friend.  It sounds ridiculous but until now if I wanted to do any of these things I needed to also carry with me a child who may or may not allow these things to happen.  The simplest task like taking down garbage becomes a well planned out event.  So another chord is cut and I'm allowed to breathe a little better, but still I feel a bit lost.  

Corkscrew (Finding balance and connection while also moving)
  • Neutral pelvis, extend legs toward ceiling at a 90 degree angle, arms at sides palm down
  • Begin with pelvic clocks (think of pelvis like a clock- navel is 12:00 move slowly with abs in circle around pelvis)
  • Engage abs into imprint (lower back to mat) rotate pelvis to move left side of pelvis to mat, then tailbone, then right side of pelvis. Draw hip bones toward each other and control movement with abs.
  • Inhale when tailbone is down and exhale as pelvis moves to imprint
  • Complete one direction and then reverse direction
  • Modify: place hands under pelvis or bend knees